I hope I'm strong enough..again...

Today was a normal day for me..the usual routine..wake up, ridhwan wakes up together....calls out "mama"...mintak "NYANYI!!!"...fine, switch on the cd player....gave him milk...gave him a bath....played with him...gave him his lunch...gave him milk again..force him to sleep!! ..cause his cousins were here..and as usual...since he asks about them everyday, every hour, every minute, I decided to let him see them before their weekly piano lessons next door to my mom's house...but again, one of the twins will be screaming away excitedly and ridhwan would cry....you see, he's not use to loud noise or sounds...wait, correction...he laughs when he hears the thunder!! ...let me rephrase...he's not use to hear people screaming or talking to loudly...I guess he feels that they might be angry with him but in actual fact, some people just talks loudly and you know kids, they talk and play loudly!!..hehee...so after pacifying him after a few minutes, I decide...that's it..time to sleep my dear...and he did...slept soundly after I placed him in his bed....the best sight this mother enjoy everyday IS to see her child sleeping soundly in his bed...such bliss....awww....

Then, the twins came back...I played with them for awhile and thought, better check up on my son now..wondering if he's still asleep....and there I saw it.....yes, the dreaded jerks and flop of the head!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ...ya Allah..when I saw the signs of mild..very mild fits/epilepsy...but still its a fits..I just couldn't help myself crying and quickly rush to the cupboard to grab hold on the rectal tube fits medication or commonly known in the hospital as Diazepam...ever since he was placed in the ICU in SJMC at 4 days old nearly 3 years ago, I have been carrying this diazepam in my handbag without fail...always fearing if ever he has fits when we are on the move or just out on a stroll, the diazepam is just an inch away from my hand to be placed directly into his rectum..sigh...



But...I made sure if was real fits...denial is so easy isn't it...when you really don't want something..you just wish it away or hope it'll go away..and so it took me a few minutes to really see or accept...it was a fit!...or a few fits...so then I quickly carried him and into my arms, calling out his name several times, hoping he'd be aware of his suroundings again..and he did...but yawned exhaustedly too....and went back to sleep....my darling...sian Ridhwan...

I just cried even more while carrying him in my arms...you see, its been nearly 2 years now that he was fits free...ever since he had pneumonia in 2006 and the doctor decided to make him use the PEG-tube, he was fits free..also it was also because he probably got the right fits medication that worked for him..and so for nearly 2 years...my life was sort of stable again...but most of all, stress free from worrying about the constant every 2 weeks or once a month visit to his neurologists in SJMC..but then it came again...it came back!

In May he had it again..the flops came..then...again, i was in denial..refuse to accept that he was having fits but being a mom, you get worried very easily when something just doesn't seem right about your child..and true enough, when we met up with his paed cum neurologists...and after some blood test and the awful EEG that made Ridhwan cried like mad..was probably even fitting during it! ...the paed@neurologist clarified Ridhwan as having fits again....nooooo.....

And so came the once dreaded episode of testing which dosage was suitable for ridhwan...the current Topamax (fits medication) was increased..and to make me feel even worse again...she added another fits medication called Clobazam...I know its for his sake too..but I guess it got to me real bad as the plan was to slowly tail down the medications in July and take it off once and for all...but then you know, just like his name...Ridhwan...redha...yes, kita kena redha dengan semua ketentuan Allah....I finally see, why I had chosen his name to be Ridhwan...it made me realise in everything I do or happens I must redha pada Allah...and I am...but being a normal human being and only want the best for her child....one can't help being worried and thinking..this is something I really don't want to go through again....but I must redha...

I've been through worse situations right....so I hope I'm strong enough...or actually I am stronger...right now, I just doa to Allah a lot that Ridhwan will eventually be fits free and have no fits attack at all....insya-Allah...amin...perkenankanlah doa ku ini Ya Allah..hambamu serahkan segala-galanya pada Mu....

Gisele Jaquenod...

May Yee...I saw your updated blog and couldn't help loving the blog design!! So I had a look at the designer's website and fell in love with her designs immediately! So I change my blog design also...like you! We like the same type of designs ya...sweet and nice...like you also! Hehee....

Sidetracked....

Sigh...I think I've been sidetracked too long...what am I doing? Why am I continuing being like this...have I not learned from the past..have I not learn anything at all? ....Sigh...Hmm..sighing is not going to make it better too!

I've sidetracked long enough...priorities are important....duties is utmost importance too....why should I continue being that way, when I should be in another way...following another path....or actually my path have already been placed before me...

Too long I've allowed myself in denial...sidetracked myself so easily when the real truth is right in front of me to embark and embrace!

Enough sidetracked! Determine your priorities, your wants and your needs...stop feeling sorry for yourself and chin up once and for all!

No more sidetracking for me...no more being sidetracked with all the luxuries of the world, the lure of the technology world, the unnecessary needs that does not really matter...

No!!...no more sidetracks for me!!...once and for all I shall stand tall and even taller than before...yes, no more sidetracks...no more...no more...

Begone sidetrack!!!

Beading galore...

Recently I have taken interest on a new hobby called beading...I was always fascinated with bracelets...even dear hubby bought a few bracelets for me long time ago made out of chip gemstones and glass beads. Ever since then I've always like buying bracelets such as those. However, recently a dear friend, Belinda introduced me to her passion of beading and I have even bought a few from her and was lucky enough to get one free on my birthday! Thanks Belin!

Ever since that, my interest and curiosity on beading build up like mad! Being a mother who gives her fulltime to her son's need limits her time to go out and shop around for bead shops...and to her sadness too...some of the bead shops that Belin mentions does not open on Sunday..which is the one full day that I could drag my hubby to drive me around...out of Shah Alam!

So, lucky me, recently as I was aimlessly surfing on the internet, I came across a beading shop website that sells beads ..and it is based in Malaysia! And even better was based in KL! Being an ardent fan of online shopping these days..thanks to my scrapbooking hobby these days...I decided to check out the website and try to buy some beads to see how fast they deliver...well, it was fast! And there starts another hobby! Woohoo!!

Actually, the interest started a few years back when I went back to Ipoh, my hubby's hometown where my sis-in law and I came across a beading shop..but at that time, all I could think of was doing wooden beads and I was still doing my masters..and so the hobby was actually left in the cupboard to catch dust! Hahaha...

Well, so much for that, now I can finally start doing it more with tools that dear hubby has so kindly acquired even without asking...and he even bought a 'tool box' which again, I never asked him to buy for me! Saaayang abang!!...to start on my new hobby which for now is more for self-satisfaction and pleasure...but then again, who knows, could I try it out as a business??...hmm, we'll see ;o)

My first bracelet..using new and old beads...some cheap ones...some swarovski

In a little pouch where I keep all my bracelets

The 'tool box' hubby bought especially for me!!

Some of my collections...glass beads, swarovski and wooden beads...

Another angle of the 'tool box'

Hobbies?

Ever since I've finished my masters and have more time to myself, and of course Ridhwan, I've been slowly going back to what I love most...arts and crafts....yup, this once computer engineer is boldly going to another area of interest that has been put aside for quite some time now..

Actually, the passion and interest of arts and crafts was started way back in school days...yup, way back in primary! Most of the crafts I did was for self use, boxes to put things, pencil cases and so forth...it was just one of the things that I really enjoyed doing...my so-called creative side...but as the years past by..and especially since I was in the science stream the time was not really spend on it...and also probably was more worried about SPM! But, the passion never died..still bought arts and crafts books and took the time to try some projects for friends such as cards...even went to art shop at Central market KL..wonder if it still exist..maybe...but once again...it just stopped there....

When I was in Uni, the time for crafts was even scarce ..as undergraduate time as they say is the hardest and most challenging time for a student..and of course it was the time to just hang out with good friends after classes and well just enjoying your uni life while you can!!..sheesh, one wonders when do i study then ya? hahahaa....then, the working phase came in...even no time at all to do any crafts projects!!..and I was itching and missing it badly but still my weekends was spend more with my parents and also recuperating after a tiresome and sometimes stressful work week.... After that, came the marriage phase! Crafts time? Oh no, hubby time! Heeheee...yup, even no time at all for such hobbies as it was the time that I really went out a lot as newlyweds and enjoying time with each other after a long week at work, miss those movie dates!....then, of course Ridhwan came along..that was the time where hobbies was a word that has never before been heard!! Also I was busy with my masters which didn't give me a chance to do anything else..my creativity at that time was more on paper works and programmings....not much art creativity there pun! Hahhaa...

So now...when time is more or less quite stable..not to say I have more time to myself ...but there are 'some' time to squeeze..I am slowly picking up the hobbies that I used to like and slowly wanting to venture into such as the 'into' sewing thing....scrapbooking, going cracy buying my stocks online!!...and the latest craze....for me that is.....beading! So, you'll be seeing me posting some of my hobbies here...no much of a pro yet, still an amateur but with passion!...and of course Ridhwan's progress....these are some of the latest things this mama of a very special boy spends her time, mostly at night... in addition to provide the best for his son, which is still her very first priority always....

Ridhwan's 3rd Birthday party!

Hie! Whoopsie, its been quite awhile since I've written in this blog of mine ya...busy? well, being a fulltime mummy to Ridhwan is busy alright...hehee...but still very contented not having to work and have to deal with work stress...oh yes, that one I don't miss at all! I might have other stress at home, but I'd rather deal with household and child rearing stress anytime...though, one can't deny not missing the monthly salary, kaching! Hahaha...yes, those were the days...

Anyway, for those who were wondering how's my so-called web work progress that I've been ranting about...its stagnant...or shall I just say, nope, not doing anything about it...my brother didn't get back to me about it..so apa lagi, sonyap je lah...buat apa nak tambah kerja rite...hehe...of course the extra income would do me good, but its okay, truthfully, life as a mother and housewife seems more relaxing and very fulfilling to me...for now..and probably for the rest of my life, Insya-Allah....

Well, before I go babbling away, these are just some photos of my dear Ridhwan on his 3rd birthday! Alhamdulillah, he is now 3 years old and so much progress has been made! Alhamdulillah sangat2x...His birthday was on 2nd June 2008 recently...okay, not so recent lah since its August already..but it was a blast for me, and hopefully for him as we made a very small party at my new house! Yup, my little pad at seksyen 7! Was quite apprehensive and yet very excited about the lunch party but I was like, heck, just do it! Though we had the party a day before his birthday, on the 1st of June, Sunday. It was a nice small party just with close family and was very heartwarming for me as my auntie who had stroke was ever so willing to travel all the way to my little house and even enjoyed herself there! Even my grandmother came, which made it even sweeter and she was very happy to finally see me in my own house, and that made me smile a lot...yup, nothing like having your own property kan...mine! mine! oops...me and hubby's of course ;o) hehee....

The next day, we treated Ridhwan to a fun time at Aquaria! Actually, this is our 2nd visit there and I think would be the last for now, for many, many years to come...you've been there twice...I think you've seen them all!...though, it was nice to see Ridhwan more alert to see the fishes and me too had a chance to touch baby sharks! Yup, cool tul! But I was freaking out gak at that time...imagining my fingers being bitten, nauzubillah lah kan....but all in all, it was a good outing, had lunch afterwards, which I can't seem to remember where?!! But definitely in KLCC....oh now, I remember, wanted to eat Burger King but ended up in A&W instead as Ridhwan somehow was in a crying frenzy at that time...poor darling, must be tired already by that time..but later I still had a chance to go to my favourite but so darn expensive bookshop, Kinokuniya and bought the book I've been drooling for soooo long...

Yup, you can say I'm sort of into sewing..let me rephrase it ya...'into' it only, not 'doing' it yet...hehee...but will do it soon when I get some cash soon...umm raya? sigh..ya probably...bought this book as I just love the fabrics she uses and they have many designs to sew...yup, many designs, which one to do first..gosh, the choices...hehee.. after wandering around KLCC for a few more minutes, we headed back home very satisfied and fulfilled that Ridhwan's birthday was celebreated with lots of love and enjoyment! It was a wonderful day spend with Ridhwan and hubby, yup hubby specially took the whole day off to spend time with Ridhwan and his mama...

So, here are some pics of Ridhwan's party at our house...semoga Allah panjangkan umur Ridhwan and murahkan rezeki selalu...amin...

Tze food at our extra tables..all bought! Hahahaa..

Yummy, ayah pouring pink guava juice!

Mama and Ridhwan with the birthday cake

Cutting cake time! One of his favourite cartoon, Thomas the Train! Toot! Toot!

Feeding time!

What I installed works!! Yippee!

Today, I was downloading all freeware softwares that I could recall that I've used during my 3 years in Open Source Systems Sdn. Bhd. Working in that company enabled me to have a vast exposure on the operating system called Linux that many windows user fear and run away from. I practically freaked out too the first time I saw that I had to learn from a console window to do my work...really freaky...but when I think back, learning this cool OS was the best thing I did during my work there. I was also lucky cause I had trainers to give me the hands on to install and use the OS and also since that company was providing Linux training, I had the priviledge to join their training classes for free...yes, for free! Though as time went by, I had to do more project management and less programming which was actually good too, cause programming isn't exactly my cup of tea, which I realised later on that is...which is also the reason why I did my Masters...though, there is the question then, why in the world did I do Msc. in Computer Science then. Now THAT, is another story of course...hehee

Anyway, thinking since I'm not working anymore, a fulltime mama to Ridhwan and spending most of my time at home, therapy with Ridhwan and well I could say with a much better ease of mind as compared to my working days....oh and successfully completed my Masters with flying colours..still a big surprise to me?!...I would think, my experience and expertise in the computer world would not be needed anymore...hmm, boy, was i wrong!! Surprisingly, my sis-in law still ask me questions concerning networking or computer stuff which sometimes I could answer if I remember! Heheee...or I would tell her, everything is in the internet! Yup, hampeh punyer sis-in law....well, I can't help myself not answering her question as seriously I really can't remember and it would take some time to remember or get the answer....or maybe I just don't know and that I totally can't recall if I forgot or never learn about it...hahaha...and of course there is my father who'd ask me bioinformatics stuff which i totally dread these days, but don't mind answering actually but I just try to avoid any bioinfo questions, sorry tak ingat and takpalah, tak tahu pun takpa...hehee... Well, for a girl who studied engineering, one would expect to learn more of engineering or computer engineering stuff when one person starts working right...but learn biology now, from scracth?? Nooo!!! ...well, that was a real challenge and experience for me when i first started working..and after awhile it sunk into my head...that's it!!....why don't I just take up some Biology course, since I'm gapping most of the time when I attend some of the meetings with clients with biology background!...yup, that, was also one of the reason I decided, enough bioinfo for me...tata biology...here comes teaching line....this was of course before I delivered Ridhwan and now I think I like my simple and stress free life as a mama and housewife to my family...

Well, now a new challenge is facing me! My dear brother has asked me to do some database management system which I must say I did very, very little while I was working....Zatil will definitely agree and can back me up on that kan Zatil ;0) Heeheee....buuut, yes there is a but here, Alhamdulillah I had the experience and time to install some web content management systems on....Linux...yup Linux...windows? ...yes, I have....but since I rarely used or install it...I am now cracking my head trying to recall the softwares I installed before. Though, Alhamdulillah again, I was able to find them all without consulting anyone and successfully installed the softwares! Yippee to me! Hahaha..

Now...here comes the tricky part....sure, I've installed them...but now, I so can't remember which certain folders need to be in certain folders to ensure it runs smoothly!!! ARGHHH??!! Yes, so now that is my biggest problem and that means more reading....sigh...not that I don't want to help my brother, he needs me and I will help him...but I guess, I am so relax and happy in my comfort zone of not worrying about programming or computer work anymore, this 'new project' for me is sure a wake up call for me with a big cling-clang!!

Its okay, I nearly gave up my masters when Ridhwan was hospitalised and so many events were occuring during my Msc that would have made me just stop my Msc entirely...but I needed to show Ridhwan that whatever I started, I must end it, with dignity and at least try...yup...try and try again....just like what I'm doing with Ridhwan to ensure he gets to walk and run...and play like any other children..insya-Allah.....so Ridhwan, mama must remember that little talk I kept giving myself and to you about not giving up and so try to install whatever I need to install and make Pak's(what Ridhwan calls his uncle) web a reality...Insya-Allah...and of course worse come to worse there's Zatil, Ayu and May Yee to help me ya! Pleaseeee....

So, ganbatte Reenaz! Jangan pandang belakang!! Oopss...that sounds like the movie title...Just do it! ...like Nike...hehee...

Cracking me head...aiyoo

Okay...how long I've stopped working? ..umm...2004 October was my last month at OSS...so I can say, I've practically left the working force for nearly 4 years now...when was the last time I did web work? ummm...probably October 2004.....soooo, I am cracking my head right now trying to recall back web work which I've not laid my hands on even during masters time which I've left nearly 4 years ago!!!! Arghhh!?!! ...okay..okay, relax Reenaz...there's a lot of friends out there who can help, an sms away, an email away, a call away.....sigh...who am I kidding that I can help my brother to do a website for him ....or actually some database management....but, as I've proven myself that giving up is never an option in my life to show Ridhwan that his mama is strong...I shall and now do it in Windows, which I've done before, but can't seem to remember??!!...okay, relax reenaz...take a deep breath...its okay, I can do it.....ganbatte mama Ridhwan, you can do it! Yes I can, yes I will.......I hope....

Chery's Wedding - Saturday, 10th May 2008

Last weekend, I attended my good friend's wedding at Nikko Hotel, KL. The hall was really nicely decorated and I enjoyed the live musicians playing the violins and...I can't seem to remember the other musical instrument, heehee. Anyway, it was a lovely wedding and a good time with old friends. Though, I was quite sad that I couldn't attend the wedding with me hubby as he just came back from Bintulu on Friday and was down with fever plus diarrhea...the poor darling...Ridhwan too was having runny nose at that time, so I was worried leaving those two together even though my mom is around. But even if my mom is around, most of the time it would be my hubby taking care of Ridhwan. But Alhamdulillah, they both somehow managed without me around. But Ridhwan was definitely missing me, as he asked my mom "mama? mama?" and my mom said "Mama went out.." and he said " Come back! Come back.." Huwaaa!!!...oh Ridhwan my son, u missed me yea?! Sob...sob....but when I came home, I quickly kissed his forehead while he was sleeping away beautifully in his cot...saaayang Ridhwan....

Anyway, luckily, my dear good friend, Iela was kind enough to give me a lift to the wedding at Nikko Hotel that night. Thanks yea Iela and Aqus! It was so nice to see little Amirul all grown up. We must get together with the whole family next time ya! Insya-Allah...The journey to Nikko Hotel was nice for me as it was a time to update myself and Iela on our current life and happenings. It also made me miss hubby and Ridhwan very much at that time. As soon as I reached the hotel, I rushed with Loges to see the bride while she was made up at her room. She looked resplendent! Then after that, I rushed down for maghrib prayers and head to the hall. The hall was lovely! Luckily, I was placed with other good friends Belinda, Loges and Aliza with their other halves, so I was not entirely that lonely that night. But I have to admit, it was pretty sad for me when they started playing romantic songs when the bride and groom came into the hall and when they showed the church wedding pictures held during the day. I missed my hubby that time!! Huwaa...oh well, that shows how rarely I attend a wedding or any dinner event all by myself these days.

However, It was really nice to meet my other ex-classmates from secondary school and some very good friends, which I have not seen nearly 14 years and some that I have lost contact past few years...but as they say, friendship is a wonderful thing and you never forget good friends, and seeing some of the gals, like Iela and Ija really brought back wonderful memories during our years in secondary school and how much I miss their company a lot. So, it was really nice to see them again after all these years. I also enjoyed the company of Patrick and his wife Allison. Despite meeting them only a few times, they are such a nice couple and I had fun laughing and talking to them. So, all in all, it was a lovely wedding and I had a nice time eating chinese food! Was really good, I was surprise that I was quite full cause I've attended a few chinese dinner before and was always hungry afterwards. Heehee...yes, despite being many course... So, Nikko's food was really really good! Heheee...

Well, here are some of the pictures at the wedding. To chery, congratulations dear! I'm very happy that you have finally found your one true love. May happiness be with both of you always and your journey is about to begin, so be a good wife and have a wonderful life together! Congrats again!!

The bride and groom

The very tall wedding cake!

I just loved the deco at the main table!

At the back from left: Loges, Belinda, Allison (Patrick's wife)
In front from left: Fui Ping(Chery's ex-HP colleague), Aliza, Me

Us and the beautiful bride!

The Yam Seng event!

From left: Abrizah, Iela, Me, Ija and Belinda

Satu hari di rumah Hani...

Last month on a fine saturday..well okay it wasn't that fine cause it was raining, but it was fine cause there was no Shichida class...hehee..not that I don't like going to the class..anyway, a fine day to visit a friend whom I haven't seen in years...so bad of me ...Well, after much cancelling of appointments between each other, we finally got to see each other...finally!!

It was really nice to see my ex-roommate and ex-uni mate after such a long time! We were practically roommats for 4 years in UIA. Ever since 1st year degree there...gosh...so it is quite a jejak kasih for both of us cause we've only kept in touch either by sms, yahoo messenger, email or phone. Also, to finally see her with her two kids..which is embarassing lah kan, after two kids baru nak jumpa...but we understood that each other had commitments that we had to attend to and time for family was of utmost importance for each other.

Nevertheless, it was a good visit as it was my first time in an area I never knew existed in Puchong, also seeing her children playing with Ridhwan touched my heart. Such pleasant and beautiful children she has. Her eldest was 4 years old, called Arsyad was happy to share his toy with Ridhwan but was more engrossed with his toys. As for the adorable Aqilah is so cute and was playing with 'abang' Ridhwan. Though, Ridhwan being the not use to people touching him person got into a crying frenzy a bit when Aqilah tried to touch his socks..hehee..ridhwan...ridhwan...I think Aqilah was just fascinated with the colour of the socks...But my dear Ridhwan who is not use with other children( or stranger for him) started freaking out when Aqilah kept touching...oh my dear son, we should bring you to see other children more often lah..though, funny thing, every week he does see other children his age in Shichida and yet he gets shy when he sees other children his age...not from Shichida that is...anyway, my dear roommate forever Hani, it was great to be at your house! And thank you for the wonderful food!! Yumm!! Wish I could have eaten more but Ridhwan's crying made me panic and could not really enjoy the food much...oh well..next time ya..maybe a picnic at the lake as we discussed that day! So, here are some pictures of us at Hani's house...

Ridhwan in the middle of the children..posing sat..hehee

Aqilah kasi Ridhwan pinjam dolphin..nak main ngan 'abang'...hehee

Uishh....khusyuk si Arsyad tu ha...

Alamak, Aqilah nak babab dolphin tu kat sapa

Ridhwan main apa tu?

Ridhwan tidur ke? ..Ceria sungguh anak2x Hani kan, suka tengok..

Us and our kids...

I'm so proud of you ridhwan!!

Haven't been blogging much these days..dunno why ever since I've finished my Msc, I am a bit 'liat' to write in my blog these days...probably being a fulltime housewife and mother is taking up more of my time and gives me less time to spend on the internet only...also, it's to compensate all the time spend on my Msc that I should have spend on Ridhwan...and for that, I could see him progressing really, really well now...alhamdulillah...

For some, when ask what Ridhwan could do, and I would say, he can talk a few words or sometimes 2 words or 3 words sentences and sit on his own and try to stand...most people would react..."oh, okay...." ...but for me, for a mother whom have seen and wondered if her child would even be able to sit on his own and lie down on his back and sit again all by himself...that is a miracle and a blessing for me....Ridhwan has progressed so much and may not be able to walk yet, but his progress shows that with much preserverance, patience and commitment and most of all repetition, a special need child can do what other normal child could do, maybe at a delayed time but can be achieved and realised....

Thus, seeing Ridhwan being able to try and sit on his own, trying to crawl and most of all trying to stand on his feet even when he tends to tip toe, there's a term for that rupanya pun, well, I am very, very thankful to Allah for all the hard work is paying off and more hard work to come to ensure he speaks more and be able to walk, run and jump like any other children his age...insya-Allah...

So, parents out there, if you sometimes show your child flashcards or are teaching your child anything new, like writing, reading or speaking, and your child does not show interest or imitating what you are teaching...don't be despair and give up easily cause your child is actually silently learning and it is only a matter of time he will show you and the world what greatness he can achieve....wallahualam...

Happy New Year 2008 & Awal Muharram!

Happy New Year and Selamat Menyambut Awal Muharram! Okay, maybe this wish is a bit late...naaah, i don't think its that late considering its still January right? Heehee...Anyway, a new year has finally arrived meaning new hopes, new dreams, new achievements and well, what can I say everything new? Well, probably not everything new, can't have a new car when one can't afford a new one right, hehee... Hmm....

The year 2007 for me has been a good year in the first few months of 2007... I finally obtained my masters and had my convo in May. Which was a very significant date to me! Then, there was the good news that my dear friend was finally coming back to Malaysia for good, which was a great news for me. Missed her so much for the last few years. Then, there was an even greater news, one of my best friends is getting married this year! That was 'the' news for my circle of best friends. Aside that, for Ridhwan, alhamdulillah it was a very good year as he was not even warded to the hospital even once...alhamdulillah sangat2x...unlike 2006...it was a real testing year for me...Then, there's the trip to Kuantan by plane! I would say that was the travel of the year for me and Ridhwan. Never thought I'd be able to see the sea again, I love the beaches...and alhamdulillah Ridhwan was fine the whole way there...Though, lately he is so into a screaming frenzy, I'm sort of fearing to take a plane right now...hmmm...Oh and not forgetting, at last we cleaned my new house after nearly a year of non-looking at the existence of my new house!!!...Thus, came the endless cleaning and pre-buying of essential furnitures for the house. That was the great part! Window shopping furniture, carpet and household stuff was the agenda every week..meaning visits to IKEA was a must too! Heehee..what can I say, I'm a die hard fan of sweddish products...


However, come August, a very shocking incident hit our family when one my mother's sister had a stroke while my grandfather was in the hospital. It his us all quite badly as she was always the one who took care of my grandparents since she was working and was always the one running around to run errands for them...For once, the whole family felt a bit crippled and at lost in the situation.. Though come Ramadhan for me last year was the saddest moment of my life as my dear beloved grandfather past away in the beginning of the holy month... It took us all by surprise on his death..and I am missing him very much till now...Even this year Aidilfitri was a solemn celebration for me as my grandmother was very affected by his death...65 years of marriage ..its still taking her some time to adjust herself..and for that I respect and look up so much to my grandmother for being such a strong woman at times like this. So, come 3rd and 4th quarter of the year 2007 was very emotional and heartbreaking for me....but as believed, semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya and innalillah....

Despite the ups and downs of my days in 2007, Ridhwan's wonderful progress has been an inspiration for me and my strentgh to go through the days ahead...He has progressed so much alhamdulillah..he may not be able to walk yet but he can sit on his own, sit and lie down and sit himself up again all by himself without any aid from me! Ya Allah, that is such an achievement for him! Good job Ridhwan! And vocabulary wise, gosh, he is saying so much words these days, but the screaming part is something I so need to work on...hmm...but otherwise, saying mama, ayah, atuk, memek, bibik and everything is just so wonderful to hear. And what makes me even happier was every hardwork, penat lelah I stimulate, exercise him all this while was seen in his progress and was congratulated by therapists and Ridhwan's sensei....

You know, being a mother to a special needs child, there is so much ups and down in my life pertaining to is progress and his achievement as a toddler and according to his milestones. Thus, when you see your child progressing slowly but very surely and people around you recognise your effort and your sacrifces...it warms your heart so much and gives me the strength and commitment to be an even better mother, therapist, sensei, massager and all that is needed to become! Hehehee....So, to you my son, you are my life and strength for me to face the days ahead this year and years to come and I pray to Allah that I'll be able to have the strenght, the patience and the health to help you reach all your milestones...amin...and to my husband, lets be better humans, muslim and most importantly better parents to our dear son...

Semoga tahun baru ini akan membawa berkat dan segala amal ibadat ku akan diredhai Allah..insya-Allah...amin....

Have a great 2008 year everyone!

Ridhwan and his great progress..

Hmm...how time flies so fast when you are having fun and busy with lots of stuff...its just like yesterday we all celebrated aidilfitri and my mom's maid went back to Indon and in two days time she's back!....hmm...partly, it's good she's back I guess, more help around the house, then again, gone are the days we can roam around the house and talk about anything freely and unlocked room can be left unlocked and open wide...takpalah, more help means more time for me with Ridhwan which is what I need right now..

Ever since my mom's maid when back to her home, I am doing more of the housework and in turn time for ridhwan has been less and sometimes neglected...my poor darling...when he is one who needs constant stimulation and attention right now in his growing years...but nevertheless, he is progressing so well, alhamdulillah...even our physiotherapist Sarjit is so happy with his many progress...you all should see the amount of kisses Ridhwan gets these days from Sarjit..hehee...sometimes there's even a lipstick mark on Ridhwan's shirt..hahaa..and he's only 2! ....however, I am so thankful to Allah that he can now learn how to stand, actually understanding how to walk, lifting his left and right leg one at a time..and most of all his ability to sit in his cot by himself without my help, all by himself!! Yea Ridhwan!!! Mama is so proud of you!!! Hopefully when he can start using more of his hands to support himself, he will start to learn to stand with more balance and grip things more..and that is when mama will shed a tear again just like when you suddenly sat on your own that day in the cot....oh my dear ridhwan....

Pic taken during a lunch date with my gal friends at Teapot cafe..hehe..Ridhwna boring dengar girl talk between mama and her friends...sorry sayang, mama dragged you along yea..

Oh ya, his vocab is much more these days too!..everything I say he tends to imitate and I mean everything.....even sounds like 'chewah', 'cheh' and others are being imitate by him! Alamak!! But seeing him vocalising a lot more these days really touches my heart....being able to converse with him when sometimes not even a single word I understand really makes my day these days...he is such a smart boy and i believe in him so much that he'll be great one day...His speech therapy is also very happy with his progress as we have not seen her for months and when she recently heard him saying 'mama' and 'ayah' without any 'pelat', she was esthatic! She said, Ridhwan's speech insya-Allah is progressing very well...alhamdulillah...syukur sangat2x pada Allah...

So, I try to watch what I say these days cause the last thing I want is for him to pick improper words or even vulgar words...so i monitor his TV viewing these days, especially when his father is watching the TV with him...no adult shows or movie when Ridhwan is around tau ayah!! As it is, I see that he picks up quite a lot of words from cartoons like Little Einstein and also Mickey Mouse clubhouse...which thank god, are very innocent cartoons...mind you, these days, the type of cartoons we have on TV can be so violent and disgusting...yup, gooiey stuff and morphing aliens what not...gone are the days of smurfs, care bears, my little pony and so forth...I guess maybe that's why the older generations are simpler and more polite...seriously, these days, the way the youth behaves alarms and scares me...the amount of respect they have to older people are diminishing and that is something I need to ensure that Ridhwan must inculcate the feeling of respect towards older people as he grows up...insya-Allah....



Anyway, for being such a wonderful boy, we brought him to Kuantan for a holiday on a plane! Hehee...padahal Kuantan is not to far these days, around 2 and half hours drive aje...oh well,hubby needed to finish his enrich points which ended up being expensive gak, you liar, you MAS!! Also, having the OKU(Orang Kurang Upaya) card was supposed to entitle Ridhwan to a 50% discount on the fare but ended up only one ticket was entitled to the discount. Another lie!! Next time, please put some clause or more details stating that only one way ticket will get the appropriate discount...sheesh...sian OKU lain if they intended to fly ke...seriously, with all the hype of our country being berbudi bahasa and asian value what not, are they actually protecting or taking care of the OKU interest??!!...sad to say, NO, cause a mother to a severe brain injured child I met a few months ago have expressed her grief and dissatisfaction on her findings and effort to find help and devices for her daughter's mobility. Though, ironically another country which I shall not mention here have placed an advert in the papers to get a free, i really mean, FREE, wheelchair that is custom made for her daughter...imagine that, totally free with no charge at all..and the best part was that when her daughter grows bigger and if she couldn't fit into the wheelchair anymore, all the mother need to do was to inform them again and they'll get another one for FREE to suit her height and size..how nice is that kan...and how sad as you wonder, what the future holds for other OKU out there who may not even be able to afford going to a therapist every week like Ridhwan is....cause truthfully, one therapy each week is not exactly cheap and one therapy a month is not enough.....wallahualam...for this I am thankful to Allah cause rezeki Ridhwan murah sangat even though when I am not working and we are depending solely on hubby's income aje...semoga Allah sentiasa murahkan rezeki Ridhwan...amin...

So to all friends out there, if you suddenly have a large sum of money you want to donate, heehee, mana tahu kan, do donate to any OKU organisations or institutions out there cause one really wonders how much of their needs and interest is being looked at or even heard...they are also human being sharing this beloved earth of us...and who else can they depend or turn to but to us the so-called normal or perfect people who can and should help them as much as we can....wallahualam...

been awhile...many stories to tell...

I've not been blogging for quite some time..many stories to tell actually...especially about ridhwan's progress and also the usual fulltime housewife stuff we stay at home mummy do..hehee...anyway, i'll be blogging soon....when, dunno yet, I know i've also promised pictures in fotopages for friends to view...sorry ya for the delay...maybe will blog more when I come back from Kuantan next week...at last, this mummy gets to see the beach after nearly ..lets see...2 years + 1 year...yup nearly 3 years longing to see the beach..so hopefully the weather tomorrow or sunday would be good in kuantan..pleaseeeee....insya-Allah..semua ketentuan Allah kan..and then me mummy and ridhwan son can enjoy the sun and beach! yahoo!! till then...ciao...

Syawal 1428...

In loving memories...

It has been a week now ever since my grandfather kembali ke rahmatullah...And it was just a few weeks ago that I could recall talking to him...remembering him asking what was Ridhwan's name as old age was getting to him and memory loss was quite bad...but no matter how many times he forgot our names or who we were whenever we visited him...he was a wonderful host to his guest...making sure we all had enough food and drink at the table....was always asking about our health and was even teasing my grandma whenever he could...he also looked forward to our visits everytime we came as if we never visited him for years when it was only a week ago we came to see him...

His death is much felt for the whole family as he was always the leader among the menantu(s) on my grandma's side...as my grandma being the eldest of the family, it was natural that my grandpa was the eldest menantu(s) and the person all the other menantu(s) and sisters look up to whenever they were in need...he was also very hospitable and well respected because of his character and how he treated everyone around him....even during his career as the director general of customs malaysia and when he was a normal custom officer, he was one of those who did not hesitate to defy the english when the english were here...yup, during the old english occupancy era..as a matter of fact, there was one story my mother always told me which is still very fresh in my mind was when he was a customs officer, can't remember his position at that time though..anyway, being a customs officer, my mother's family had to move around Malaysia a lot, and they had just moved to one state, can't remember which one, and within 24 hours he was asked to moved to a new state as he bravely defied one of the english officer there...my grandfather was a man with high principles and was not afraid to fight for the truth..and being so brave and bold ended him up being transfered to another state within 24 hours...wow!...but he proved even being a local custom officer or a malay officer at that time when the english were reigning, he was not afraid to speak up and that is something I admire till now...there was even a time, my mother may have not existed because of his courageous act!.. during one of his roundings with the customs officers at sea, he was actually captured by the pirates!! mind you, there are pirates out there in the sea betul2x sebenarnya!.. and he was actually thrown from the boat into the middle of the sea by these pirates as they refused to be taken into custody by the customs...tapi tu lah, ajal arwah datuk tak sampai lagi .. alhamdulillah he was rescued but when they rescued him, he was already blue and was not breathing...tapi ajal semua di tangan Allah kan...he survived the ordeal...and became an even greater man...

They are many courageous stories of him my mother would always tell me as a child and even when I am now a mother to a wonderful little boy...and the stories never stopped to amaze me to this day....and so the news about him passing away really shocked me, especially when I was the one who had to tell my mother of the news..it just broke my heart into pieces....the call my mom made to my auntie after hearing my grandpa was unconscious was passed to me as she couldn't hear clearly what my aunt said...and when my aunt told me to tell my mom that my grandpa was gone..i didn't answer anything to her and just placed the phone down...and looked at my mom and stared crying badly...my mom was then in a panic and asked what was wrong...and i told her the news....

However, alhamdulillah arwah datuk was a man who was always consistent with his amalan harian and ibadatnya and was always very generous in giving and sedaqah, and so alhamdulillah, his rezeki, pengurusan jenazah was very fast and without any hiccups at all...by 2.30 pm he was buried at the Tanah perkuburan bukit kiara near my grandma's house ....

It was a solemn day that day and for the very first time I could see my grand-uncles actually breaking down and crying their heart out and some of them are actually great men during their younger times and I have always admired them... and seeing them crying really made me weep even more and broke my heart and realised how much my grandpa was really admired and looked up to all these years...

But as muslims, we must not weep too much as we would only cause the jenazah to be in more pain and aggravate him...cause as we leave this world, what is important is what we have done before our time is up and the 3 main things are, our amal soleh, ilmu yang manfaat and anak yang soleh...and my arwah grandfather have always had these things with him throughout his time here in this world...

Therefore, semoga roh arwah datuk dicucuri rahmatNya dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang mukmin...I loved you very much datuk and your courage, your passion, your love to your family, your love to your spouse, your sense of humor, your generosity and most of all your amalan ibadat is something I would always remember and try to follow so I may one day be a great person like you too...wallahualam...

Arwah datuk and nenek at my house before my aqad nikah in September 2003

Kembali ke rahmatullah...arwah datuk...

Tan Sri Hj. Daiman Bin Jamuluddin telah kembali ke rahmatullah pagi ini lebih kurang antara pukul 9.40 ke 9.50 a.m.....al-fatihah....

The only grandfather I had... since my paternal grandfather died even before my mom got married..so I only knew my mom's dad as my only grandfather... he was a great man...was a man who loved his wife very much and loved to tease her...a man who was always very concern of his guest...who loved his children equally...who loved his grandchildren very much...was a man who touched many hearts ...the brother, the uncle, the family turn to and went to in time of needs...was a man very well respected and looked up to...that was my grandfather...my dear grandfather....

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas arwah datuk...you will be missed very much...

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak!

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan yang penuh dengan keberkatan...Insya-Allah...Semoga segala amal ibadat kita di bulan yang mulia ini akan mendapat berkah dan rahmat dari Ilahi...Insya-Allah..

A trip to the bridal shops..

Oops, eh, no, no, don't get me wrong ya everyone, I'm not getting another wedding gown for some anniversary bash or anything....hmm..maybe for my 10th anniversary I should do some majlis besar-besaran ya and wear back my nikah or reception kebarung or whatever they call it...hehee, naaah, ya rite, wonder if I'll even fit into it pun...hahahaa....never mind, I think a solat jemaah with my hubby on that special date and a romantic dinner for two would be just fine...insya-Allah...semoga perkahwinan kami sentiasa diberkati Allah..amin...

Anyway, last two weekends, I had a chance to actually visit some bridal shops in SS2, PJ, which I've always seen whenever I pass the SS2 main road but never actually get to see what were inside those bridal shops. I only and really had the opportunity to actually look for a few minutes from outside that is, the huge and beautifully decorated bridal shops in Ipoh whenever we go back to my hubby's hometown. But of course I just get to look from outside, the gowns and large wedding pictures hanging outside the shop from where else, but inside the car, whenever we pass them to go to the town or pick up my sis-in law wherever she would be at that time. And whenever we pass by, curiously I would be thinking, it must be really nice to try out all those wedding gowns one by one, and they are such lovely gowns being displayed as they were white and had lovely laces on them....waaah...hehee, yes, even though I am happily married for nearly 4 years now, a wedding or the thought of wedding gowns be it malay songket or english wedding gowns, it makes me awe with smiles.

So, lucky me, one of my best friend is getting married next year and she invited me to accompany her so she could try out the wedding gowns in the shops at SS2. Yippeee!! At last, after months of watching on channel 77 a show called Dress of your dreams, eh ke gowns of your dreams..anyway, one of it lah the title...I just got so excited that I finally could see an english wedding gown live! Well, I actually did get to see one when Loges got married but I was so preoccupied with taking care of Ridhwan and I couldn't get involve much in her wedding preparations and all, that I missed out the visiting wedding shops part...so this time, I am definitely making time to see the actual process of selecting wedding gowns for my other best friend...umm..should I mention your name here? hehee...the date is confirmed right? so, its all finalised right?? okaylah, won't mention yet your name here but will do it soon..hehee...

So, off I went with hubby and Ridhwan to SS2 to meet up with the gals and have some female bonding time and also some wedding excitement time too ;o) hehee... However, smart me, never been to SS2 in ages and conveniently was smart enough thinking, I know those shops, which ended up, I was so wrong of the locations of the shops (thank god, hubby knew the shops locations, malu aje), instead of arriving on time I ended reaching half and hour later after driving around SS2 in circles as the shops could only be accessed from a certain road...gosh, people driving in SS2 have no mercy in driving slowly or stopping for awhile...but finally I reached the first shop the gals wanted to check out.

Now...this is the best part, as it is I was upset that I was late, and having a headache with all the driving in circles in SS2 and was partly exhausted carrying Ridhwan around...as I was about to actually have a sit on the sofa in the bridal shop to finally see a gown my dear friend was trying out, Belle said to me..."..umm...i think he poo poo lah...smells a bit.." Darn it! Ridhwan, noooooo! Not here! Not now! Nooooooo!! ...yes, it's not a no... Ridhwan actually poo poo-ed in his nappy..of all the time and place to let it out...he had to let it out at the first bridal shop we entered....hahahaa...again, lucky me, I made sure I stocked the so small baby bag that I brought along that day with some cotton wool, one nappy and a liner...and to think that I was going to lenggang aje not bring those things thinking hubby is just around the corner somewhere in SS2 so I could just call if Ridhwan was hungry and needed to change his clothes...yup, lucky me allright...and so with much difficulty, as being a lasak 2 year old, even when not walking yet nie, it could be quite hard sometimes trying to change his nappy especially if he poo poo...but no sweat, this mother has gone through worse hurdles, I shall embrace this situation with a calm manner....ya rite, the gals didn't know how i was freaking out in the bathroom, while ridhwan was wriggling away in his soiled nappy and wanting to touch the nappy..I shall not describe that in detail lah yea...hehee...but, mission accomplish, after much pain-staking changing nappy ordeal, Ridhwan was happily changed into a new nappy, clean and nice smelling...and at lassttt...i could actually sit down on the sofa to see the trying out of the wedding gowns...but then, as I was just going to sit and relax....the gals said, okay, moving to the next shop now....whattt??!! here I am baru nak take a breather and we have to go off already...okaylah...so, obediently, I followed the gals out of the shop, dah ler we were on the 2nd floor and there was no railing on the stairs to hold on to while juggling Ridhwan...hehee..and truthfully I was quite out of breath already at that time...and was, oh heck, just bring me to the next shop so I could find some sofa to seat on...hehee...
what an experience that was...

Though, we did finally go to one shop so my dear friend could try out the gowns, and there I finally could sit down and enjoy the moment seeing my dear friend selecting her gown...her dream gown...she looked so lovely in the gowns she tried on...and they were very lovely gowns...laces, satins, silk....oh I just love weddings....but she didn't find 'the' wedding gown and of course there were KL shops to look into..but all in all, it was a nice experience for me to finally actually enter into a bridal shop with wedding gowns that I've only seen displayed near the windows and actually touching and seeing them live with my own eyes, was a wonderful experience and made me think about my own wedding 4 years ago....

Of course the preparation for my dear friend's wedding is still a long list but I was very happy to be a part of her 'entourage' accompanying her to see and select the wedding gowns and time spend with you gals is always looked forward to for this mother of a 2 year old boy who is improving and progressing day by day..time off from reality world occasionally really helps this mommy to relax and enjoy time with friends....so my dear friend, thanks for the lunch and most of all, thanks for having Ridhwan and I to come along with you that day...I hope you'll find your dream gown and you're going to look great on your wedding day!! and I will try my very best to be in every part of the way towards your wedding day ya..insya-Allah....I cried a tear when Loges got married a year ago, wonder if I will too when it is your turn...hehee....aaah, weddings...don't you just love them...

long lost sunway mate...

For a mother who occupies herself with her child's need so much instead of hers these days, it feels so good to meet a friend which I've not met in years....How funny that I would meet her after all these years at SJMC when Ridhwan was having his physiotherapy...and Allah work in such wonders that it so happened I had to make a phone call and so stepped out of the physio department trying to make a call and she caught a glance of me while wanting to cross over the bridge..and there you were!...and the best part about meeting her was the fact that even though we've not met or talked face to face for such a long time, we just knew about each other and was asking about a lot of things about our lives, as if we've just met a few days or weeks ago....which we actually only know from reading each other blogs! Heehee...how ironic ya...so these blogs we have is actually quite great and cool, cause even if your a cyberspace away, you get to catch up on your friends even if you don't actually meet them or even 'tegur' them in their blog cause you know, no matter where you are or what you are doing, your friend thinks about you, wishes you well and pray for you at times when you are in need...so to dear Izreen, it was really great to see dear! Hope your wrist is much better now...and yes, it was really nice to see you again after all this years...take care dear! and kisses to your cute tomel-ion! ;o)..oh and let her cry, really, its good for her lungs, gets more oxygen to the brain and also, its good to know that she can show her emotions well and have a great cry to cry her lungs out...hmm...now i know how this phrase came about ya...hehee