Okay, first thing first...seizures...yes, Ridhwan has been having seizures on and off again...sigh...partly due to this also, I think I've been a bit down...lazy to write and in a no mood to tell anyone how I feel or how upset I was...yes, was....not that I'm on top of the world now...but its slowly sinking into my brain...again...that his seizures will come and go...this time his seizures has gone back to myclonic....sigh...the one that was so hard to go away has returned!! You see, there are many types of seizures...yes, one would think when one says that person has a seizure it would be the one where you see the person falls down on the floor and starts trembling badly and bubbles comes out of the mouth right? Well, no, there seems to be many more and actually the one I just described is called generalized seizure and happens to be one of the safest seizure to happen to a person, so they say..what?? safe? my foot lah safe...oops, sori for the languange....hehee...safe in terms eventually the seizure will go away when the person gets older and doesn't really affect the brain as bad as some others do....hmmm..anyway, last year we had done 2 EEG and the neuro paed saw that the seizures are still there..and still a lot...however, the myclonic is here again and he's gettin it nearly every week :( ...sooo, its back to the drawing board for the neuro paed, lets play, which meds work together!! Okay, sorry being a bit sarcastic there I think, but a mother can 't help feeling helpless whenever she thinks that the seizures are coming again and the one dreaded one pulak tu...oh ya, what is myclonic seizures?
Myoclonic (MY-o-KLON-ik) seizures are brief, shock-like jerks of a muscle or a group of muscles. "Myo" means muscle and "clonus" (KLOH-nus) means rapidly alternating contraction and relaxation—jerking or twitching—of a muscle.
Even people without epilepsy can experience myoclonus in hiccups or in a sudden jerk that may wake you up as you're just falling asleep. These things are normal.
In epilepsy, myoclonic seizures usually cause abnormal movements on both sides of the body at the same time. They occur in a variety of epilepsy syndromes that have different characteristics:
- Juvenile myoclonic epilepsy: The seizures usually involve the neck, shoulders, and upper arms. In many patients the seizures most often occur soon after waking up. They usually begin around puberty or sometimes in early adulthood in people with a normal range of intelligence. In most cases, these seizures can be well controlled with medication but it must be continued throughout life.
- Lennox-Gastaut syndrome: This is an uncommon syndrome that usually includes other types of seizures as well. It begins in early childhood. The myoclonic seizures usually involve the neck, shoulders, upper arms, and often the face. They may be quite strong and are difficult to control.
- Progressive myoclonic epilepsy: The rare syndromes in this category feature a combination of myoclonic seizures and tonic-clonic seizures. Treatment is usually not successful for very long, as the patient deteriorates over time.
Ridhwan usually gets this when he wakes up...soo, whenever we are all sleeping soundly and suddenly I hear a sob from him, yes, Ridhwan's mama is a a very light sleeper, easily awakes from any sounds...and that scares me too sometimes...hahaha..anyway, when you hear him sob, wake up! Ridhwan is having one..and he cries...yes he cries...and that everyone is where I get very weak and feeling helpless as I know he is having a seizure and he is very upset about it...And not only that, there is this thing called Aura which our neuro paed mention that people with epilepsy gets before a seizure attack...and Ridhwan's aura....well...not something I am dealing well with lately...he bangs his head...yes, he usually bangs his head with his hands or fist and if that doesn't make him feel better....he sometimes...he bangs his head to the cot...huwaaaa!! ...though, I do stop him from doing that ost of the time, but truthfully onc can't help feeling helpless in that situation...memang sabar itu satu separuh dari iman when this happens...wallahualam...So, all in all, it has been an emotional roller coaster for me these few months but we have once gotten through this, and we shall Ridhwan! We shall fine one day the right dosage and combination again as we have found when you were two, that I know I am not giving up on and I know very well our neuro paed to is determine to find..Insya-Allah..amin...
Okay, NEEEXT! Heehee...can't help forgetting my maths teacher in Form 2, who would scream loudly the word 'next' for the next student to answer from the maths textbook on the blackboard...god, she was one scarry teacher!!...hehee...good old days...anyway...as I was a bit unwell last few months, I have been putting off a very important appoinment with Ridhwan's surgeon...also maybe of fear of going to the OT(Operating theatre) again..well not me, but Ridhwan actually..well, been there again, done that again and so Ridhwan has a new gastrostomy tube called MIC-KEY! Nooo, it does not look like mickey mouse and has no relation whatsoever with Mickey mouse :P but that's what it is called...what it means, can't remember..but one thing for sure it is soooo different from the BARD PEG tube Ridhan was usuing for nearly 3 years already...the procedure to change from BARD to MIC-KEY alhamdulillah was a fast one, around 40-45 minutes but all the time I was in the waiting room waiting for Ridhwan to go into the OT nearly cause me some sort of panic attack...don't ask my why I am behaving like that these days, I seem to have those feeling these days...wake up Reenaz!! ...where was I? Ah yes, so after waiting in the waiting room, okay it wasn't a room, more of like an area as there were many beds in there for other patients as that is the so-called Day Care Surgery of SDMC(formerly known as SJMC). So, waited for an hour and then it was time. Nooow, this time it was sort of cool, why cool? No, the procedure wasn't cool but the fact the anaesthatist...umm, is that how you spell that word, well, this doctor told me to ensure the child doesn't panic and feels too upset, she is asking me the mother, to dress in some OT gown or something and come into the OT to help the doctor and nurse when they make Ridhwan use the gas to konk him up and also insert the granula/IV line later....really? me get to go and see the OT???!! Cool!! yes, that was the only cool part about it lah kan...so, alhamdulillah Ridhwan didn't really resist while they made him wear the gas..but then there I stood looking at Ridhwan sleeping soundly and didn't budge at all to go out of the OT...yes, I was secretly hoping they'd forget about me and start changing his tube while I'm there! Ya right! Dream on lah ya! Haahaaa..so then the anaesthatist saw me standing like a pole there and said, "Mama nak kiss Ridhwan sebelum pergi ke.." ..oooh my mouth wanted so much to just reply, "Kiss aje? Stay and watch leh?" ..Haaahaaahaaa....and so with a heavy heart, I kissed Ridhwan's forehead and left...praying along the way out of the OT....but alhamdulillah everything went fine and now he has a new clean tube to feed him his milk...
Okay, this post is getting a bit long...will write more about this MIC-KEY in another entry...which really made my heart fell to the ground ..why? Later ya ;)
Entry part 2 will follow soon..how soon...entah...hahahaa..Insya-Allah soon..time to give Ridhwan his milk anyway....