Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Terlalu istimewa....



As usual I should be doing my work but instead i'm blogging away in my blog..but i just had too...I'm listening to Adibah's Noor song "Terlalu Istimewa" ..and it brought me a tear....ever since I bought her CD at Ms. Read :D, I couldn't help falling in love with this song..initially I fell in love with the melody..then when I slowly listened to the lyrics..I actually started crying and just thought about Ridhwan's journey all this while....the lyrics is soo menyayat hati...I couldn't help crying when i realise the lyrics was about a child who has pulang ke rahmatullah.....I remembered listening to the lyrics carefully in the car when we were on the way back to KL from Ipoh during Raya Haji recently..there I was crying away in the back seat and my hubby was worried already...sian abang, sayang okay...cuma sebak dengar lyrics tu....Luckily Ridhwan was sound asleep or he'd thought his mama was nuts or something crying away for no reason....

Then, just recently on Monday when Ridhwan had his first MRI, I saw the video clip of this lovely song sung by Adibah Noor and my mom told me that the song was dedicated to the girl who was raped in Johor recently....I felt sebak...real sebak..then I looked at my son and felt i could just cry...not that the girl had anything to do with Ridhwan but the song title said it all....my baby is 'Terlalu Istimewa' .....

The lyrics is sad and yet there is strength in it....everytime I hear the lyrics here I couldn't help smilling and yet feel a sad feeling inside because thinking about the child..and how the child's parent would have wanted to see him/her to grow up...

Ku pasti kau berbahagia
Duduk di sampingNYA
Mendengar cerita
Segala rahsia
Tak tertanggung rindu
Mendengar suaramu
Tawa mengusik jiwa

It is this song that made me realise that Ridhwan's journey is still a long way ahead of us....also this song made me realise no matter what happens, I must never ever take my child for granted and appreciate everyday of my life that he is here with us...safe and sound waking up with a smile seeing me coming to his cot....

When we took Ridhwan for his MRI, I couldn't help saying to myself that I hated being here in the South Tower of SJMC as this was where Ridhwan was brought ...to the emergency room and then to the ICU..I vowed and told myself that I shall never ever let Ridhwan enter the ICU or ER ...never....nauzubillah...

So...when we were heading to the MRI room and passed the ER...I couldn't help but controlling back my tears as I saw the ER and the room where I waited for the news about Ridhwan when he was only 4 days old...oh Ridhwan...mama hated that place..and to this day...it still haunts me...but being a strong mama I held my tears and waited for Ijan to register Ridhwan and head to the MRI room.....though I thought doing the MRI was going to be okay..it was actually...but seeing my only 9 month old baby having to go into the MRI machine...I just couldn't help wanting to cry...and I could see even Ridhwan's grandma was holding back her tears and looked worried....a mother's worry...a grandma's worry.....I was wearing tudung and had metals on me...scarf pin....so I couldn't wait with Ridhwan and waited outside...the MRI was about 30-45 minutes and ya Allah, there was so many sounds coming out of the machine...Alhamdulillah Ridhwan did not wake up during the scanning and was so sound asleep..also his ayah was with him....

The MRI turned out okay...though it was obvious his brain is not growing as a normal baby would...the upper part of the brain or head was small..and I could see it...and yet, the report said everything was normal, only that the paed said it was not..and blah...blah..ntahlah, sometimes I just don't know who to listen anymore....

But one thing I know...my baby is special...not because of his condition but for being the special boy he is....my Ridhwan has gone through so much at such a young age...4 days old..and how much he has strive till now....Ridhwan, anak mama, you are a true fighter ! And for that Ridhwan, mama will never give up....mama will fight for you and make sure you lead a normal life as much as you can...you WILL go to a normal school, walk, talk, jump and most of all...You're gonna get a degree Ridhwan! Mama promise you that....I love you Ridhwan....and as I told you many times at the ICU, La Takhof, La Takhzan, Innallah ha ma'ana....yes Ridhwan, Allah will always be with us....



12 June 2005 - ICU, SJMC

My happy family - 18th March 2006

2 comments:

AzaLea said...

Reenaz,I cried when I first heard Adibah's song. Somehow it relates to all mothers in a different, personal way but it touches the same topic :CHILD. She sings from her heart kan? YOu've gone through a lot dear and it brought me to tears to see those pictures of Ridhwan during the ICU moments, I can't imagine what he went through as a new born baby and of course you as a new mother.
Tapi tuhan tu maha penyayang kan, look at him now, he's so tembam and glowing with health! InsyaALLAH all your wishes for him will be seen through coz you're such a strong, wonderful mom :)
As what a friend of mine said, Tuhan akan menduga kita tapi bukan selamanya.

drewreeny said...

thanks iela...yes, semua yang berlaku tu ada hikmahnya...eventhough ridhwan's journey is still a long way, all i know, i'm never gonna give up..he means so much to me and i pray to Allah to give me strength and wisdom to overcome any obstacles with redha..insya-Allah...