Thursday, March 02, 2006

My baby is 9 months old today!

Happy Birthday Ridhwan! Happy Birthday anak mama!, Ridhwan is not yet 1 years old ...he is 9 months old! Yippe for my baby boy..last time I added in what are the developmental milestone for babies his age..I think I'm giving up on that..It'll only make me feel even worse...and as usual feeling like leaving my masters for good....sigh.. Ridhwan is 9 months old and still a bit delayed...sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed wondering if Ridhwan can speed up his developmental milestone and be able to be at par with his other friends the same age as he is..I know they say never compare other children with yours...true..that is very true if your child has no conditions or anything...never, ever compare as he will develop at his own time and rate..but when you have a special child like can't help wondering and worry should he be reaching his milestones soon..or later.....this makes me feel even worse as I know, to speed up his development would then be stimulation, stimulation and stimulation..and when I think of that word, it makes me want to strangle ridhwan's paed at times...and yet what she says is very much true.... Ridhwan's paed has always mentioned that Ridhwan needs intensive stimulation but I can't help myself sometimes feeling that I can't seem to do enough....and that makes me sad at times..and pretty vulnerable to depression too...oh no! But, at times like this is when you need support from family and friends to remind yourself that you are doing fine and you need to remind yourself always that he needs you the most too now!...he needs you to be there for are his answer...not his problem...that statement I got from Glen Doman book..which I have yet to finish reading...hmm...another thing to worry or feel bad too... I guess it all bottles down to discipline and knowing what you want for your child..and also priorities...I can't help admiring this couple and especially this father who has worked so hard to ensure that his twins, or one of them conquered the dreaded micorcephaly condition and now his child is a beautiful2 year old..or was it 3 year old..anyway, they are good looking boys and turned out very smart microcephaly condition observed at all! And doing just fine... That makes me sad again...god, I'm such a sad makes me feel bad that I feel that I am not doing enough for my baby Ridhwan....if i had a choice I do want to quit my masters and concentrate only on Ridhwan...and yet, it feels it's such a waste to throw away the oppurtunity and not mentioning money, to finish my masters....but worries is something a mother with special babies like I do ..feel....a feeling of, am I doing enough for I feeding him I exercising enough...I guess these are questions that a cerebral palsy mother feels...series of questions of how much are you doing for your child...and yet you know that sometimes times just pass you by too fast that you can't grasp it that sometimes wish time would stop...just for awhile....even just for a few seconds... All I can say, may Allah help me to overcome these obstacles and give me strentgh and hope to see the light and future for my darling baby times when I feel down right now, a shoulder to lean on or a pat on the back would help a lot....a hug too would help...but as a muslim, i must never forget that Allah is always there for me..and He is ;o) All I need to do now is to make sure I manage my time carefully and at the end of the day achieve my goals and definitely Ridhwan's goals for the day, the week and the months...and the years......Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan kepada hambaMu ini di dalam masa kesusahan...hambaMu ini redha dengan segala pemberian Mu..semoga segala amal ibadah ku di berkati and diredhai Mu ya Allah....amin...

I love you Ridhwan...mama will do all my best for you kay, the Nike advert says: "Just Do It!"