Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Maaf zahir dan batin...ALhamdulillah, it is now Syawal. how time flies so fast when your are having fun and not having fun...yup, not having fun is when you have to go through one more subject before officially telling oneself that you are free...totally free from assignments and projects...hmm..
Probably as I am still in raya mood, I am proud to say that I have yet to complete my special topics report..boohooo...darn, why am I still so lazy to complete it...here I am nearly half asleep..well not so asleep as I can still type in my blog right, but sleepy enough to fall asleep on this laptop...and yet I am not trying my best to maximize my time to complete a very important report which carries 3 credits...I should be freaking out as I need to send it by this 31st october...and I MUST or SHOULD be meeting my supervisor before sending in the report, and yet, yes, and yet...I still can't seem to gather the will power to complete it or at least be proud that I have completed 70% of the report...maybe I work best under pressure or last minute...but thinking about it, I shouldn't and I must be mad to do last minute work...however, the real truth is..I'm sick and tired of looking at the topic as I feel it really is something that I never intended to do...special topics that is..maybe because I have set my mind that this masters was fully coursework and no thesis or research work, when suddenly, I now have to do a small, very small thesis or more of research work and thus cause myself to get demotivated at the utmost level...Anger, frustration, exhaustion gets to me everytime I even look at an article concerning the special topics report...or maybe I am just overwhelmed at times at the expectation of my supervisor who expects me to do very well in this report, thus pressuring me to instead of feeling just do my best, I am feeling, I better do my best...or else...
This is where expectations to oneself and from others can drive oneself mad or even make oneself give up even before starting...hmmm...but I should never let this feeling deter me from at least completing what I've begun..as my husband said "Who cares what they think of you or expect from you, just finish it and just do it..." In a way my darling hubby is right, maybe I've been so pressured with giving input to myself to do "very well" this semester that I have forgotten that initially it was all about what the minimum target that I should achieve and not what others expect or think of me...i was once an average student, and I think I still am...maybe I worked harder this time and so alhamdulillah my grades are better now...but I shouldn't let other people expectations towards me make me feel bad or scared that I might not fulfill their expectations..so fine, everyone screws up once in a while...you can't win them all...yup, so here's to me...just do your best to myself...don't let anyone's expectation get to you, let them think what they want of you...as Nike says, "Just do it!" , and settle it once and for all...yup....do it in the name of Allah and insya-Allah, He will guide you and with patience and faith....and to ketupat and kuih raya, you are still in my top list...haahhaa...all work and no food makes me one boring and over stressed mama...hehee..wallahualam...
Probably as I am still in raya mood, I am proud to say that I have yet to complete my special topics report..boohooo...darn, why am I still so lazy to complete it...here I am nearly half asleep..well not so asleep as I can still type in my blog right, but sleepy enough to fall asleep on this laptop...and yet I am not trying my best to maximize my time to complete a very important report which carries 3 credits...I should be freaking out as I need to send it by this 31st october...and I MUST or SHOULD be meeting my supervisor before sending in the report, and yet, yes, and yet...I still can't seem to gather the will power to complete it or at least be proud that I have completed 70% of the report...maybe I work best under pressure or last minute...but thinking about it, I shouldn't and I must be mad to do last minute work...however, the real truth is..I'm sick and tired of looking at the topic as I feel it really is something that I never intended to do...special topics that is..maybe because I have set my mind that this masters was fully coursework and no thesis or research work, when suddenly, I now have to do a small, very small thesis or more of research work and thus cause myself to get demotivated at the utmost level...Anger, frustration, exhaustion gets to me everytime I even look at an article concerning the special topics report...or maybe I am just overwhelmed at times at the expectation of my supervisor who expects me to do very well in this report, thus pressuring me to instead of feeling just do my best, I am feeling, I better do my best...or else...
This is where expectations to oneself and from others can drive oneself mad or even make oneself give up even before starting...hmmm...but I should never let this feeling deter me from at least completing what I've begun..as my husband said "Who cares what they think of you or expect from you, just finish it and just do it..." In a way my darling hubby is right, maybe I've been so pressured with giving input to myself to do "very well" this semester that I have forgotten that initially it was all about what the minimum target that I should achieve and not what others expect or think of me...i was once an average student, and I think I still am...maybe I worked harder this time and so alhamdulillah my grades are better now...but I shouldn't let other people expectations towards me make me feel bad or scared that I might not fulfill their expectations..so fine, everyone screws up once in a while...you can't win them all...yup, so here's to me...just do your best to myself...don't let anyone's expectation get to you, let them think what they want of you...as Nike says, "Just do it!" , and settle it once and for all...yup....do it in the name of Allah and insya-Allah, He will guide you and with patience and faith....and to ketupat and kuih raya, you are still in my top list...haahhaa...all work and no food makes me one boring and over stressed mama...hehee..wallahualam...
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