Alhamdulillah it is now 2007....A new year...new events to happen...new memories to be cherished and remembered and who knows new friends to meet too..wallahualam...to me, the year 2006 has been a very eventful year for me..it starts with the starting of a new 2nd semester for me at UiTM to complete my Masters in Computer Science..with a heavy heart I enrolled myself in the classes again when my heart was longing to just stay at home and be with ridhwan as he needs me more than my classes or lecturers..however, 2nd semester in UiTM have been fruitful and results were flying colours alhamdulillah..then it was the anticipated wedding of the year for me and between my close friends, Loges' wedding....At last, after years of knowing a man called Hak Jing, Loges has finally bid goodbye to her bachelorhood and embracing marriage life..the wedding was wonderful despite many obstacles for me to attend but all in all it was a wedding to be remembered as all of my good friends were there to enjoy it....then it was another anticipated wedding of the year which was Jes' wedding...a good friend from UIA which will always have a special place in my heart...hidup 606! ...the wedding was really looked forward, for it was the first wedding that Ridhwan attended to and the joy of meeting Kak Nani and Bet after such a long time was indescribable...love u gals..and still missing you gals a lot...it was also nice to see many of my UIA frens happily married and some with their children..wow...we are all so...grown up! hehee....then of course my darling son's one year birthday...after all the hurdle he had to go through when he was only 4 days old, he was alhamdulillah 1 years old on 2nd June 2006...looking back to the days when he was in the ICU for 10 days and then later warded for another 11 days...and the thought that I was actually in confinement at that time...I thank Allah so much for giving me strength and hope during that time..and most of all, I thank Allah for having such a wonderful husband and family members who were always there for me at times when I juts fell my world was about to crush in pieces....so ridhwan's birthday was a day of hope and happiness for us and also for ridhwan himself too I'm sure...
However, despite all good things, there were incidents that brought tears and pain...just right after ridhwan's birthday the worse had yet to come...ridhwan had pneumonia :( and to top it all, he had to undergo a gastrostomy surgery at his stomach...the thought of having a button or tube in his stomach until god knows when, scared me to bits at that time and yet I had to admit that Ridhwan was having feeding difficulty and his weight gain was static for a few months already..with a heavy heart I had to sign the papers to authorise the surgery..the very thought that I had to sign the papers still haunts me as I was the one giving the authorisation at that time..and when that happened I only had my mom with me and was longing that my hubby was there too...but, Allah had been with me all the time, and alhamdulillah gave me strength to endure those moments with patience and hope...the surgery was dreadful..emotionally that is...physically, only Ridhwan would know...till now, I don't know when the g-tube will be out of his body or specifically stomach...the surgeon said it could last him till years....as in till 10 years or less I pray..but for now, the reality is there, Ridhwan is relying nearly 100% on the tube for his feeding but no matter what, I will and must feed him through his mouth to ensure eventually he will eat on his own using his mouth..amin..amin.. then, of course, the hurdle to finish my last semester in UiTM during which Ridhwan had just undergone his surgery was a real test for me...there were so many times I was on the verge of just quiting my masters cause I felt so bad having to leave him at home and the thought of him reflux every time feeding brought tears to me every time I left him at home...wishing I was there to wipe of the phlagm or water that came out of his mouth...and then, there was also the pressure to complete the assignments and do well as previous semester...enduring datelines and the icky special topics we were all suddenly compulsory to complete it...but alhamdullilah, I overcomed it with pain, tears and smiles in the end :D ....
This year, will be an exciting year insya-Allah as I am now a fulltime housewife and mother to my wondeful hubby and son...and it should be even great as we will be moving to our new house soon, Insya-Allah..so the excitement of choosing furnitures and all will be great though one must not forget, we will have to be ala kadar as we are only relying on my hubby now...our bread winner...but as I always believed, semua ada hikmahnya kan...there's a reason things happens to you and its like a big lesson for you and its up to you wether you learn it or you'll learn the lesson over and over again and get another lesson after that..but with new or old lessons, it makes you a stronger person and appreciate life more..wallahualam...another event that scares me this year, would be deciding Ridhwan's tube...to continue it or change it to another brand...as it is, looks like it may still be in ridhwan's stomach for now but the brand may be changed...but the very thought of Ridhwan going into the operating theatre again makes me shiver the whole body and sometimes makes me cry a tear...but that is something I have to deal with when the time comes and may Allah be with me, in strength and in faith...
This year also anticipates lots of therapy for ridhwan..lots of visits to SJMC, from our OT and also visits to Ijok for traditional massages...but as they say, kita ikhtiar, insya-Allah ada jalan nya nanti kan....wallahualam....then the decision to do the translation course...a decision that have yet to be decided as the thought of leaving my mom and ridhwan for 11 days...h..m..payah gak tu..will see how...decisions..oh decisions...
But as years goes by...you do thank Allah that you are still alive now despite the hurdles you had and will go through kan...the thought that you still have fingers to type on your keyboard on this blog and eyes to see the blog ....thank you Allah for giving me these gifts...you start thinking that sometimes you may take for granted these senses that was given to you by god...thinking or taking for granted that it all came from the brain to move the fingers, to see the wordings and interpreting it using the brain...wallahualam....that is something that I learned the hard way after Ridhwan's seizures when he was 4 days old...but tu lah kan, semuanya ada hikmah kan... also, when I read my good friend's blog about the death of her friend that left a son and husband...I start thinking again about how we have taken granted about our life here on earth...that we will never know when is our time...so I started thinking again that it wasn't worth it to go on feeling scared or sad with difficulties I have to endure but instead embrace it with an open and willing heart...and in my friend's blog that made me even think more is how true that we should never forget the people who are still living today and forgive one another as we'd never know when is our time and when would we ever see our friend again..who would ever know the person whom you just spoke to today will never be able to speak to you again tomorrow, or a friend you haven't met in years and met only a month ago will leave you forever the next day...and maybe you didn't have the time to say I love you, I thank you for being my friend or even, I'm sorry...and so, as my friend wrote in her blog, I too would like to ask for forgiveness to all the people that I have known should I have hurt their feelings, behave badly or ignored them as I am only human and as human we are prone to mistakes...but no matter what, the friendship that I have with all of you will always be remembered and cherished no matter how many times we meet these days or even call...as time goes by, priorities differ and responsibilities may accumulate but the friendship will never be forgotten or taken for granted cause once a friendship has been establish you keep to it no matter what unless death do us part....so my dear friends, to all of you, no matter how busy I may seem as a mother to a special needs child or as wife to a husband, the love and care for all of you never diminished or forgotten..and so may god be with you always and may our friendship last forever, lets forget the past and look forward to the future togethere, Insya-Allah...and to my family, I love you all very much and I thank Allah so much for giving me you especially at times of sorrow and definitely not forgetting in happiness...
Year 2007, I look forward to a great year...and so...Happy New Year!!
However, despite all good things, there were incidents that brought tears and pain...just right after ridhwan's birthday the worse had yet to come...ridhwan had pneumonia :( and to top it all, he had to undergo a gastrostomy surgery at his stomach...the thought of having a button or tube in his stomach until god knows when, scared me to bits at that time and yet I had to admit that Ridhwan was having feeding difficulty and his weight gain was static for a few months already..with a heavy heart I had to sign the papers to authorise the surgery..the very thought that I had to sign the papers still haunts me as I was the one giving the authorisation at that time..and when that happened I only had my mom with me and was longing that my hubby was there too...but, Allah had been with me all the time, and alhamdulillah gave me strength to endure those moments with patience and hope...the surgery was dreadful..emotionally that is...physically, only Ridhwan would know...till now, I don't know when the g-tube will be out of his body or specifically stomach...the surgeon said it could last him till years....as in till 10 years or less I pray..but for now, the reality is there, Ridhwan is relying nearly 100% on the tube for his feeding but no matter what, I will and must feed him through his mouth to ensure eventually he will eat on his own using his mouth..amin..amin.. then, of course, the hurdle to finish my last semester in UiTM during which Ridhwan had just undergone his surgery was a real test for me...there were so many times I was on the verge of just quiting my masters cause I felt so bad having to leave him at home and the thought of him reflux every time feeding brought tears to me every time I left him at home...wishing I was there to wipe of the phlagm or water that came out of his mouth...and then, there was also the pressure to complete the assignments and do well as previous semester...enduring datelines and the icky special topics we were all suddenly compulsory to complete it...but alhamdullilah, I overcomed it with pain, tears and smiles in the end :D ....
This year, will be an exciting year insya-Allah as I am now a fulltime housewife and mother to my wondeful hubby and son...and it should be even great as we will be moving to our new house soon, Insya-Allah..so the excitement of choosing furnitures and all will be great though one must not forget, we will have to be ala kadar as we are only relying on my hubby now...our bread winner...but as I always believed, semua ada hikmahnya kan...there's a reason things happens to you and its like a big lesson for you and its up to you wether you learn it or you'll learn the lesson over and over again and get another lesson after that..but with new or old lessons, it makes you a stronger person and appreciate life more..wallahualam...another event that scares me this year, would be deciding Ridhwan's tube...to continue it or change it to another brand...as it is, looks like it may still be in ridhwan's stomach for now but the brand may be changed...but the very thought of Ridhwan going into the operating theatre again makes me shiver the whole body and sometimes makes me cry a tear...but that is something I have to deal with when the time comes and may Allah be with me, in strength and in faith...
This year also anticipates lots of therapy for ridhwan..lots of visits to SJMC, from our OT and also visits to Ijok for traditional massages...but as they say, kita ikhtiar, insya-Allah ada jalan nya nanti kan....wallahualam....then the decision to do the translation course...a decision that have yet to be decided as the thought of leaving my mom and ridhwan for 11 days...h..m..payah gak tu..will see how...decisions..oh decisions...
But as years goes by...you do thank Allah that you are still alive now despite the hurdles you had and will go through kan...the thought that you still have fingers to type on your keyboard on this blog and eyes to see the blog ....thank you Allah for giving me these gifts...you start thinking that sometimes you may take for granted these senses that was given to you by god...thinking or taking for granted that it all came from the brain to move the fingers, to see the wordings and interpreting it using the brain...wallahualam....that is something that I learned the hard way after Ridhwan's seizures when he was 4 days old...but tu lah kan, semuanya ada hikmah kan... also, when I read my good friend's blog about the death of her friend that left a son and husband...I start thinking again about how we have taken granted about our life here on earth...that we will never know when is our time...so I started thinking again that it wasn't worth it to go on feeling scared or sad with difficulties I have to endure but instead embrace it with an open and willing heart...and in my friend's blog that made me even think more is how true that we should never forget the people who are still living today and forgive one another as we'd never know when is our time and when would we ever see our friend again..who would ever know the person whom you just spoke to today will never be able to speak to you again tomorrow, or a friend you haven't met in years and met only a month ago will leave you forever the next day...and maybe you didn't have the time to say I love you, I thank you for being my friend or even, I'm sorry...and so, as my friend wrote in her blog, I too would like to ask for forgiveness to all the people that I have known should I have hurt their feelings, behave badly or ignored them as I am only human and as human we are prone to mistakes...but no matter what, the friendship that I have with all of you will always be remembered and cherished no matter how many times we meet these days or even call...as time goes by, priorities differ and responsibilities may accumulate but the friendship will never be forgotten or taken for granted cause once a friendship has been establish you keep to it no matter what unless death do us part....so my dear friends, to all of you, no matter how busy I may seem as a mother to a special needs child or as wife to a husband, the love and care for all of you never diminished or forgotten..and so may god be with you always and may our friendship last forever, lets forget the past and look forward to the future togethere, Insya-Allah...and to my family, I love you all very much and I thank Allah so much for giving me you especially at times of sorrow and definitely not forgetting in happiness...
Year 2007, I look forward to a great year...and so...Happy New Year!!
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