Welcome Hijrah 1431 and the year 2010!!

Welcome to the new year everybody!! I can't believe it, its like a blink of an eye and a year has just past by before my eyes...wow! Makes me wonder if I've covered and completed all my resolutions last year..resolutions? what resolutions? hahaha....

Anyway, I pray that this year Insya-Allah will be a good year for me and especially for Ridhwan. Ridhwan this year, Insya-Allah will be 5 years old! And that makes only 2 more years before school starts and that is so freaking me out!! It really clicked me about this fact when I saw in the news about the children in Standard 1 starting their school life tomorrrow around the country..and that made me really think...darn it, have I done enough for Ridhwan to be able to go to school??? Hmm..ponder ....ponder...

Well...before I ponder more about that, I've been very quiet in the blogging world as I myself have not been too well ever since after Aidilfitri. Don't worry I'm okay now, sort of. Though the few episodes where I am not too well recently made me really think and scared me as I could not help thinking if I was not around, who will take care of my little boy? ....and that...made me cry a river one fine day....it still lingers in my mind to this day this question...as a matter of fact I've even read it in a blog once this question posed to the blogger herself about her being a mother to a special needs child and if anything were to happen to her, what would be the future of her child....and this question came into my mind even more when I was not too well a few months ago...so, this comes to my first resolution then, to ensure that I will be there for Ridhwan as long as I can until he grows up to be a man that he can be proud of, yes, he has to be proud of himself first with all the achievements he will achieve for then all of us will be proud of him too! Insya-Allah....and so, for that to happen, I need to make sure I take care of my own health so Ridhwan will have a wonderful life and future one day...amin..amin...Insya-Allah..

Last few months have not been too easy for me with that health issue thingy that I started giving up blogging and have become a silent reader to other blogs for quite some time...but then, I realise, its not going to help by keeping quiet and I find, sharing my thoughts and hope here with friends and moreover other special needs parents give me strength and hope in ways I can't imagine actually...so here I am, back again blogging away hopefully...I gues s hearing some alarming news and knowing that I was not too well recently really took a blow on me felt that I didn't want to blog anymore..but then, that made me think, how weak I was to let that affect me when I have gone through even worse times with Ridhwan when he was just a newborn, when he had a PEG-tube in his stomach, my so called juggling masters and taking care of him and not forgetting one of the worse seizures attack for Ridhwan right after raya in 2008...sooo, wake up girl! stop feeling sorry for yourself and look in front of you! There's a cute 4 year old staring at you in the face eager to get as much knowledge as he can and eager to learn new things, physically and mentally! With that in mind and thought, I hope I will go through this new year, with a stronger determination and perseverance and most of all patience to give what's best for Ridhwan insya-Allah...

I guess when i think back, throughout these last few years, I have to admit, I never had anyone to really share my concerns and hopes for Ridhwan but just to doctors and therapists, most of all Sarjit...hehee...yes, this wonderful woman called Sarjit is someone I totally admire and have come to love for her love, affection and most of all passion to treat special needs children without any complain....anyway, now, when I see some mothers out there with special needs children like me gathering and sharing with one another, I really admire and thought, heck I should join them too! Probably I've been so use to being by myself, it never really came to my mind that I do need to have a support group too which I never really had for the last 3 years of Ridhwan's life...its good actually to have a support group such as this as who else would understand and be there for you if not for these great mothers out there with wonderful special needs children who are working hard to give what's best for their child....which made me quite upset too yesterday as I missed out on a great gathering by these wonderful parents of special needs children and on top of that, they even placed a pic of Ridhwan on the cake they had yesterday!! Huwaaaa!!! Terkilannya!!!...oh well, as they say, dah takda rezeki, ada lah hikmahnya kot...which ada actually..some pain came back..which I'd probably tell in another entry...or maybe not..I'll think about this later...hehee..the suspens ya ;) ....

This is a picture of the beautiful cake with beautiful children..including mine...hehee...which really made me upset yesterday that I couldn't attend the gathering but family was something I had to think first here..and there was some health issue that came back which made me not feasible to travel much too yesterday..but I was still terkilan that I couldn't go and meet these wonderul parents...hmmm...


Picture taken from yongnoina.blogspot.com ..hope u don't mind yea dear...

My prayers are for all these wonderful children and especially the parents to be always strong and give the best they can give despite sometimes being depressed or unsure or anxious or giving up which are feelings I have always had that comes and go once in a while that drives me mad!! Yes, after all, we are all human isn't it....but these feelings are good sometimes as it makes us realise that we need to wake up and stand tall again after all those emotions is thrown away and make our child our priority with the addition of our doa to the almighty..and not forgetting, therapy, therapy and therapy...no such word as lazy and giving up in our vocab ya...trust me, I go through these much too often these days...sigh....but, as I mentioned earlier, we are all only human and we try lah Insya-Allah to give our best to our child ya ;) This is actually a pep talk for my ownself too..hahahaa...hmmm...

So, my hope this year then is to be a good mother who never gives up to give her best to Ridhwan with the help of the doctors, therapists, family and friends Insya-Allah...and also to be healthier too as a a good example to my child as children does take after their parents don't then...hmmm....and also to be a good daughter....a good wife to my wonderful husband...and most of all, be a good muslimah ;) Insya-Allah...as they say, one can plan so much yet the Almighty decides what's best for you...which many times I have discovered directly or indirectly to be very true...wallahualam....as to my darling son Ridhwan, Mama is sorry if there were times I seem lost and unsure of myself the past few months, but that doesn't mean I've given up or have stopped worrying about you, it has actually made me think more about you and me...and for that, lets start this new year together as best as can be and may Allah always bless you my dear son and be with us always in all our future great endeavours..Insya-Allah.....welcome new year!!!