Now days time flies too fast that the next thing I know is that Ashraf my youngest...wait, WOW! I have a youngest and eldest in my vocab for my children!! woohooo!! Heehee, sori but I still can't believe Allah has blessed me with two beautiful children...I did want to add more children in my wonderful family as it is, but still can't believe I now can say if people were to ask "Anak berapa?...Oh,dua!" :D ..heeeheee...alhamdulillah, alhamdulilllah, alhamdulillah...tak terkata betapa bersyukur sangat2x padaMu ya Allah...anyway, Ashraf my 'youngest', heheee, is already 5 months old!! Gosh, it feels just like yesterday I did the pregnancy test and discovered that I was positively pregnant!!
However, during Ashraf's pregnancy, it was a very eventful pregnancy, eventful indeed, not only for me but also for ridhwan..it was a life changing situation as it was the start of Ridhwan realising that his mama has changed physically and slowly not being able to hold him anymore....which was really sad cause it did affect him initially..and then there was the one time scare that nearly drove me insane...yes, you read correctly, insane...why...well, maybe not all gynae or hospitals does this routine check during pregnancy, but my gynae or sjmc it seems, does this triple screen test at about in the month of, ummm, can't remember when but after the first trimester I think, to check should your child in the womb have the probability of being...down syndrome....hmmm...not a nice test ya..and so, well I did do this test with ridhwan last time and of course alhamdulillah okay lah kan...and when I did with Ashraf....a few days later after the test, the clinic called and said,"Puan, don't be alarmed yea, but according to the triple screen test the probability of the child in the womb has down sydrome is 1 to 130...and so dr. wants to see you to discuss about it..." I was like what???!!!! ...my heart totally broke at that time, pecah jatuh, berserpihan...god knows, how I felt at that time....yes, I didn't tell this in my blog as I was worried, and didn't feel like sharing it here until now ....I remembered how I broke down to all my girlfriends, calling them one by one, crying away and sobbing away, thinking of the baby's fate and all...and it didn't help that my gynae was giving me all the worse case scenario of having a down syndrome child...sigh...but then alhamdulillah, support and strength from parents and my girlfriends, you gals know who you are ;) ...i started getting a grip on reality and thought, wait a minute, Reenaz wake up girl!! I already DO have a special needs child and look how far has he achieved, see how well he is doing, and see what I know and have done to ensure he has progressed this far...and so I thought to myself, I can do this, regardless whatever is the outcome, the baby is still mine and I will love the baby wholeheartedly no matter what!!....so initially my gynae asked me to do the amniocentesis...the part where they poke a needle into your tummy and get amniotic fluid to further confirm if your child is down syndrome or not or other case pulak ke...but I said "NO!!" ...I will not take that risk of hurting my child pulak in the event of doing that, its not as if , if I knew the child is down I'm going to abort the baby...yes, my friends, only then I knew at that time that some people do this amniocentesis thing to determine if the baby is really down or any other syndrome to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy or abort it...what??!!! gilo ke apa? dah allah kasi anugerah yang paling indah and you senang2x nak abort it by doing this amniocentesis, cause, oh u found out it might not be a normal child, so why keep it....yes people, some people view it that way and have done that...very sad indeed to know that many, yes, i say here, MANY after finding out that the child in the womb is not normal by amniocentesis they decide to abort it....I feel very very sad a mother should want to decide that...maybe to some, they say, why keep it cause it'll be hard on the family or even the child..but have they ever thought that god is giving them a blessing already, regardless how the child may end up physically or mentally in future, many people are trying so hard to be pregnant and yet some with just one poke of a needle(amniocentesis) they decide the fate of the child in the womb even before seeing the baby, that it has to go just because it may not be normal...I'm sorry but I so don't agree with that, but as some people say it is other peoples right on what they feel is best , and that is their right lah kan...but to me, I feel sad at the thought that some mothers would even think of it, just imagine if the child should know that even before he/she comes out you don't want it anymore, sad isn't it...cause Allah is great, who knows what those test results means too, for all you know, it may even be wrong! cause at the end of the day, Allah will decide should the child be normal or special, but at the same time the child is still another living human being inside you...anyway, when my gynae suggested amniocentesis I was upset to even think that this test is supposedly to let me decide the fate of my child, no, I can't do that, its against my belief and stand, regardless if the child will turn out not 'normal'...and thanks to my friends who knew me better, they all knew and told me whatever the outcome is with the test results and during delivery they know I will keep my baby and love it just as much as I am loving Ridhwan...and they are right, I always felt that regardless what the test results were....though, as much as i accepted that "probability", I must admit deep down in my heart, I did worry, I was worried for my baby's sake and that did affect me very much...you see, once you have a special needs child, the fear is there, the fear that plays in your mind and heart that asks these questions, will he be normal? will he be able to lead a normal life? will this pregnancy be fine this time? ....its only human I guess that as a mother you can't help asking these questions to yourself in the next pregnancy when you already have one special needs child...
but again, Allah is great, I am so lucky and thankful to meet so many inspiring people and nice and wonderful people ever since Ridhwan came into our life as when I got this alarming news the next thing I did was to discuss about it with Ridhwan's paed, Dr Sofiah...it was her words of wisdom and encouragament that gaved me hope and realise that as much as I accepted the situation, all is really in the hands of Allah and then there is that great thing we have...doa....doa...and doa....and with that in mind, well since it is just a probability anyway, I prayed real hard that the test was just a 'probability' and that my baby will be a normal healthy baby but should it be special, I will love it with all my heart regardless.....so, thank you Dr. Sofiah, that day when I met you with my husband to talk about this really gaved me strength and hope to go through my pregnancy without worrying and driving myself nuts...talking to you really made a difference and made me face the days ahead with much strength..thank you so much dr!!....Dr Sofiah was right in saying that anything can happen even in the womb, the baby still have a lot more months to go and also tests are sometimes not accurate and no matter how canggih our technology is to detect abnormalities and what not, Allah is the one who decides everything...and to Allah should our doa and hope be turned to...wallahualam...
Anyway, that was the one real scare I had during Ashraf's time lah kan...then there was the time or actually 2 times Ridhwan was warded...gosh, banyaknya dugaan our family during that time....but it was at that time too, in the midst of all these, Ridhwan attended WQ Park which is another blessing as it has given Ridhwan so much hope and progress that I am very happy to have placed and made sure Ridhwan was accepted into the EIP....thank you Dr. Sofiah and Dr. Taayah for accepting Ridhwan despite his disability in the form of not being able to walk yet, at that time that is...I know it must have been hard for the teachers and therapist initially to handle ridhwan but well, look at Ridhwan now right? :D heheee...thank you teachers and therapists, you guys are the best!! ...but the part when he waswarded into the hospital for seizures...twice!! really stressed me up....what an experience it was, the first time warded I did stay together with ridhwan but with the help of my hubby of course as I was already 6 months pregnant at that time...but the 2nd time I just couldn't do it., with a sad heart I had to stay home and rest as I was already in my 3rd trimester and getting heavier and easily exhausted..and it was during ramadhan pulak tu...gosh...I don't think I'll ever forget spending my ramadhan and most of all breaking our fast in the ward nearly one week!! without fail my mom and dad would come before azan maghrib with the food and we'd all gather around the small coffee table to hear the azan from the tv to break fast....if i were an outsider, I would think it would be such a heart wrenching view to see a family having to break fast in a ward at a time when it should be done in the comfort of the home kan...but Allah is great, Allah have gave each and everyone one of us much strength to endure the moment, especially Ridhwan who was the one who was going through a real hard time...sian my darling son....but it was a time that I will never forget and also am really, really grateful for having such wonderful parents whom without fail came to break fast in the hospital with us and to be with their grandson....my tears are running down while typing this thinking of their sacrifice for us all this while....thank you mama and ayah...Allah sahaja yang dapat balas segala yang mama and ayah have done for us...may Allah panjangkan umur, murahkan rezeki and berikan kesihatan yang baik pada mama and ayah...amin...amin....
Well, enough sad stories....cause with all that has happen Alhamdulillah I have delivered a beautiful healthy normal baby boy on the 15th of October 2010 at 12.44 am on a Friday morning...what was suppose to be a normal deliver suddenly turned caesar...yes, sad to say...but as they say, what matters is that baby is fine kan...and so I am officially then, a mother of TWO!! Two boys lagi! Heeheee...since I had to do an emergency caesar, I must say it was a scarry first experience but alhamdulillah again, seeing my gynae and especially seeing Dr Sofiah was there in the operating room, reaally, reaallly made me calmer...everything went so fast after they decided they had to do an emergency caesar on me coz of high blood pressure and baby refused to come down after even 12 hours of induction, that I didn't even have to time to talk to my hubby how I am feeling, that the next thing I know I am being wheeled into the OT already!!....but when I saw Dr Sofiah, I really felt...legaaa...yes, that's the best word to describe it...heheee...and thank you again Dr Sofiah cause it seems you called Dr. Taayah in the middle of that night to ask her to pray for my safe delivery rupanya yea...heheee....I am soooo touched...thank you Dr!!! Terharu when I heard that, when Dr Taayah told my dad....And for that, I am so blessed and grateful to meet such wonderful people like you Dr Sofiah and Dr Taayah, you both are truly inspiring, kind hearted and dedicated people in your work...never have I met such passionate people who are doing their best in their work and for the benefit of the many special needs children out there...may Allah bless both of you always...amin..amin...
Well, that's about a summary or should I say a looong summary of what happened during my pregnancy with Ashraf....my dear Ashraf....not once have I regretted the 'sudden' pregnancy I had with you...it wasn't really a planned one, I must say, but it has always been hoped...and my dear Ashraf you are a true blessing and joy to all of us now and mama loves you with all my heart....may you always be a soleh son and hopefully be a good brother and best friend to your wonderful big brother Ridhwan.....Insya-Allah...
My darling baby on his first day in our world...
Special pose from Ashraf!
However, during Ashraf's pregnancy, it was a very eventful pregnancy, eventful indeed, not only for me but also for ridhwan..it was a life changing situation as it was the start of Ridhwan realising that his mama has changed physically and slowly not being able to hold him anymore....which was really sad cause it did affect him initially..and then there was the one time scare that nearly drove me insane...yes, you read correctly, insane...why...well, maybe not all gynae or hospitals does this routine check during pregnancy, but my gynae or sjmc it seems, does this triple screen test at about in the month of, ummm, can't remember when but after the first trimester I think, to check should your child in the womb have the probability of being...down syndrome....hmmm...not a nice test ya..and so, well I did do this test with ridhwan last time and of course alhamdulillah okay lah kan...and when I did with Ashraf....a few days later after the test, the clinic called and said,"Puan, don't be alarmed yea, but according to the triple screen test the probability of the child in the womb has down sydrome is 1 to 130...and so dr. wants to see you to discuss about it..." I was like what???!!!! ...my heart totally broke at that time, pecah jatuh, berserpihan...god knows, how I felt at that time....yes, I didn't tell this in my blog as I was worried, and didn't feel like sharing it here until now ....I remembered how I broke down to all my girlfriends, calling them one by one, crying away and sobbing away, thinking of the baby's fate and all...and it didn't help that my gynae was giving me all the worse case scenario of having a down syndrome child...sigh...but then alhamdulillah, support and strength from parents and my girlfriends, you gals know who you are ;) ...i started getting a grip on reality and thought, wait a minute, Reenaz wake up girl!! I already DO have a special needs child and look how far has he achieved, see how well he is doing, and see what I know and have done to ensure he has progressed this far...and so I thought to myself, I can do this, regardless whatever is the outcome, the baby is still mine and I will love the baby wholeheartedly no matter what!!....so initially my gynae asked me to do the amniocentesis...the part where they poke a needle into your tummy and get amniotic fluid to further confirm if your child is down syndrome or not or other case pulak ke...but I said "NO!!" ...I will not take that risk of hurting my child pulak in the event of doing that, its not as if , if I knew the child is down I'm going to abort the baby...yes, my friends, only then I knew at that time that some people do this amniocentesis thing to determine if the baby is really down or any other syndrome to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy or abort it...what??!!! gilo ke apa? dah allah kasi anugerah yang paling indah and you senang2x nak abort it by doing this amniocentesis, cause, oh u found out it might not be a normal child, so why keep it....yes people, some people view it that way and have done that...very sad indeed to know that many, yes, i say here, MANY after finding out that the child in the womb is not normal by amniocentesis they decide to abort it....I feel very very sad a mother should want to decide that...maybe to some, they say, why keep it cause it'll be hard on the family or even the child..but have they ever thought that god is giving them a blessing already, regardless how the child may end up physically or mentally in future, many people are trying so hard to be pregnant and yet some with just one poke of a needle(amniocentesis) they decide the fate of the child in the womb even before seeing the baby, that it has to go just because it may not be normal...I'm sorry but I so don't agree with that, but as some people say it is other peoples right on what they feel is best , and that is their right lah kan...but to me, I feel sad at the thought that some mothers would even think of it, just imagine if the child should know that even before he/she comes out you don't want it anymore, sad isn't it...cause Allah is great, who knows what those test results means too, for all you know, it may even be wrong! cause at the end of the day, Allah will decide should the child be normal or special, but at the same time the child is still another living human being inside you...anyway, when my gynae suggested amniocentesis I was upset to even think that this test is supposedly to let me decide the fate of my child, no, I can't do that, its against my belief and stand, regardless if the child will turn out not 'normal'...and thanks to my friends who knew me better, they all knew and told me whatever the outcome is with the test results and during delivery they know I will keep my baby and love it just as much as I am loving Ridhwan...and they are right, I always felt that regardless what the test results were....though, as much as i accepted that "probability", I must admit deep down in my heart, I did worry, I was worried for my baby's sake and that did affect me very much...you see, once you have a special needs child, the fear is there, the fear that plays in your mind and heart that asks these questions, will he be normal? will he be able to lead a normal life? will this pregnancy be fine this time? ....its only human I guess that as a mother you can't help asking these questions to yourself in the next pregnancy when you already have one special needs child...
but again, Allah is great, I am so lucky and thankful to meet so many inspiring people and nice and wonderful people ever since Ridhwan came into our life as when I got this alarming news the next thing I did was to discuss about it with Ridhwan's paed, Dr Sofiah...it was her words of wisdom and encouragament that gaved me hope and realise that as much as I accepted the situation, all is really in the hands of Allah and then there is that great thing we have...doa....doa...and doa....and with that in mind, well since it is just a probability anyway, I prayed real hard that the test was just a 'probability' and that my baby will be a normal healthy baby but should it be special, I will love it with all my heart regardless.....so, thank you Dr. Sofiah, that day when I met you with my husband to talk about this really gaved me strength and hope to go through my pregnancy without worrying and driving myself nuts...talking to you really made a difference and made me face the days ahead with much strength..thank you so much dr!!....Dr Sofiah was right in saying that anything can happen even in the womb, the baby still have a lot more months to go and also tests are sometimes not accurate and no matter how canggih our technology is to detect abnormalities and what not, Allah is the one who decides everything...and to Allah should our doa and hope be turned to...wallahualam...
Anyway, that was the one real scare I had during Ashraf's time lah kan...then there was the time or actually 2 times Ridhwan was warded...gosh, banyaknya dugaan our family during that time....but it was at that time too, in the midst of all these, Ridhwan attended WQ Park which is another blessing as it has given Ridhwan so much hope and progress that I am very happy to have placed and made sure Ridhwan was accepted into the EIP....thank you Dr. Sofiah and Dr. Taayah for accepting Ridhwan despite his disability in the form of not being able to walk yet, at that time that is...I know it must have been hard for the teachers and therapist initially to handle ridhwan but well, look at Ridhwan now right? :D heheee...thank you teachers and therapists, you guys are the best!! ...but the part when he waswarded into the hospital for seizures...twice!! really stressed me up....what an experience it was, the first time warded I did stay together with ridhwan but with the help of my hubby of course as I was already 6 months pregnant at that time...but the 2nd time I just couldn't do it., with a sad heart I had to stay home and rest as I was already in my 3rd trimester and getting heavier and easily exhausted..and it was during ramadhan pulak tu...gosh...I don't think I'll ever forget spending my ramadhan and most of all breaking our fast in the ward nearly one week!! without fail my mom and dad would come before azan maghrib with the food and we'd all gather around the small coffee table to hear the azan from the tv to break fast....if i were an outsider, I would think it would be such a heart wrenching view to see a family having to break fast in a ward at a time when it should be done in the comfort of the home kan...but Allah is great, Allah have gave each and everyone one of us much strength to endure the moment, especially Ridhwan who was the one who was going through a real hard time...sian my darling son....but it was a time that I will never forget and also am really, really grateful for having such wonderful parents whom without fail came to break fast in the hospital with us and to be with their grandson....my tears are running down while typing this thinking of their sacrifice for us all this while....thank you mama and ayah...Allah sahaja yang dapat balas segala yang mama and ayah have done for us...may Allah panjangkan umur, murahkan rezeki and berikan kesihatan yang baik pada mama and ayah...amin...amin....
Well, enough sad stories....cause with all that has happen Alhamdulillah I have delivered a beautiful healthy normal baby boy on the 15th of October 2010 at 12.44 am on a Friday morning...what was suppose to be a normal deliver suddenly turned caesar...yes, sad to say...but as they say, what matters is that baby is fine kan...and so I am officially then, a mother of TWO!! Two boys lagi! Heeheee...since I had to do an emergency caesar, I must say it was a scarry first experience but alhamdulillah again, seeing my gynae and especially seeing Dr Sofiah was there in the operating room, reaally, reaallly made me calmer...everything went so fast after they decided they had to do an emergency caesar on me coz of high blood pressure and baby refused to come down after even 12 hours of induction, that I didn't even have to time to talk to my hubby how I am feeling, that the next thing I know I am being wheeled into the OT already!!....but when I saw Dr Sofiah, I really felt...legaaa...yes, that's the best word to describe it...heheee...and thank you again Dr Sofiah cause it seems you called Dr. Taayah in the middle of that night to ask her to pray for my safe delivery rupanya yea...heheee....I am soooo touched...thank you Dr!!! Terharu when I heard that, when Dr Taayah told my dad....And for that, I am so blessed and grateful to meet such wonderful people like you Dr Sofiah and Dr Taayah, you both are truly inspiring, kind hearted and dedicated people in your work...never have I met such passionate people who are doing their best in their work and for the benefit of the many special needs children out there...may Allah bless both of you always...amin..amin...
Well, that's about a summary or should I say a looong summary of what happened during my pregnancy with Ashraf....my dear Ashraf....not once have I regretted the 'sudden' pregnancy I had with you...it wasn't really a planned one, I must say, but it has always been hoped...and my dear Ashraf you are a true blessing and joy to all of us now and mama loves you with all my heart....may you always be a soleh son and hopefully be a good brother and best friend to your wonderful big brother Ridhwan.....Insya-Allah...
My darling baby on his first day in our world...
Safe and sound at home in his cot...
Abang Ridhwan looking at his baby brother, such a good abang he is...
Special pose from Ashraf!
