He had another seizure...sob...

Seizure...what is a seizure??....truthfully, I always got confused between the term seizure and epilepsy...also sometimes to explain to people what is a seizure or epilepsy can be quite disheartening as many don't know much about it...or some don't even know about it...but i can't blame for other peoples ignorance as I was once an ignorant person myself before I had a special needs child...so to summarize what is a seizure or epilepsy is,I thought of sharing with you what are its definitions according to epilepsy.com ...which is a frequent viewed website when Ridhwan gets one of his seizure episodes...or fits...yes,yes, another term that people use is fits..hmmm...anyway...

Epilepsy is a neurological condition, which affects the nervous system. Epilepsy is also known as a seizure disorder. It is usually diagnosed after a person has had at least two seizures that were not caused by some known medical condition like alcohol withdrawal or extremely low blood sugar. Sometimes, according to the International League Against Epilepsy, epilepsy can be diagnosed after one seizure, if a person has a condition that places them at high risk for having another.

The seizures in epilepsy may be related to a brain injury or a family tendency, but most of the time the cause is unknown. The word "epilepsy" does not indicate anything about the cause of the person's seizures, what type they are, or how severe they are.

By: Carol Camfield, M.D. / Robert S. Fisher, M.D., Ph.D.

Does this make sense to you? Umm..more or less lah for me....hehehee... this now is the definition of a seizure...

A seizure is a sudden surge of electrical activity in the brain that usually affects how a person feels or acts for a short time. Seizures are not a disease in themselves. Instead, they are a symptom of many different disorders that can affect the brain. Some seizures can hardly be noticed, while others are totally disabling.

Topic Editor: Steven C. Schachter, M.D.

Okay, so in short, what I can understand is that if you got one time seizure only you won't be categorised as having epilepsy, but, if the seizures occurs again and again, then you are likely to have epilepsy or some called as epileptic or what not...so in this case, yes, ridhwan has epilepsy and mind you...he has had different types of seizures within his 4 years of life now...

So, from what I've seen and read he has had more than 3 types of seizures already...but overall it was in the primarily generalized seizure type...Primary generalized seizures begin with a widespread electrical discharge that involves both sides of the brain at once. Now, he has had absence seizures - brief episodes of staring. Another name for them is petit mal (PET-ee mahl). During the seizure, awareness and responsiveness are impaired. People who have them usually don't realize when they've had one. There is no warning before a seizure, and the person is completely alert immediately afterward....so, this seizure happened when he was less than a year old I think...where he would stare away into the distance as if wondering about his future or something..and so I thought!! Rupa-rupanya it was one of those silent seizure...oh my...

Then he also had what they called the myoclonic seizure..now for your information, most of the seizures that Ridhwan had before looked harmless and somewhat not so scarry like the seizures I'm sure most people are more familiar such as the falling down, and trembling like mad and excessice drooling and foamy drooling coming out...yes...ridhwan had one of this yesterday...and it scared the hell out of me! Sorry about the language...buut...from what our neuro paed explained...it is the myoclonic seizure that I should be more worried about...hmmmm...anyway, what is myoclonic seizure...

Myoclonic (MY-o-KLON-ik) seizures are brief, shock-like jerks of a muscle or a group of muscles. "Myo" means muscle and "clonus" (KLOH-nus) means rapidly alternating contraction and relaxation—jerking or twitching—of a muscle.

Ridhwan had this last year...it started around May or so..or earlier..darn my memory is so failing me these days...anyway, when I saw it first time, it looked as if someone who was in shocked as if going to fall from the bed where your hands is raised up in the air...Ridhwan was like that but as the definition says more of jerking...and it sort of got worse until he had to be warded in October last year for nearly 3 weeks...and it seems, that this particular seizure is a difficult one to cure or get rid of from what our neuro paed said..that scared me even more...but she was very positive about it and said Ridhwan had overcomed his fits for 2 years before and there is a chance he will have no more fits again...amin...I have to be positive about that...and I am....

Then, when we all thought the medication combination of Lamictal and Topomax is going to be it..he had an episode in december last year...just after 2 months being warded...now this is the tonic-clonic seizure..from what I read and understand lah....

This type is what most people think of when they hear the word "seizure." An older term for them is "grand mal." As implied by the name, they combine the characteristics of tonic seizures and clonic seizures. The tonic phase comes first: All the muscles stiffen. Air being forced past the vocal cords causes a cry or groan. The person loses consciousness and falls to the floor. The tongue or cheek may be bitten, so bloody saliva may come from the mouth. The person may turn a bit blue in the face. After the tonic phase comes the clonic phase: The arms and usually the legs begin to jerk rapidly and rhythmically, bending and relaxing at the elbows, hips, and knees. After a few minutes, the jerking slows and stops. Bladder or bowel control sometimes is lost as the body relaxes. Consciousness returns slowly, and the person may be drowsy, confused, agitated, or depressed.

Now...what Ridhwan had yesterday was clenching his teeth, excessive drooling and the arms and legs begin to jerk rapidly as if he was being shaken badly by someone....and from what my neuro paed has informed me many times...observe how long your child's fits occur...if more than 5 minutes, insert the rectal diazepam to stop the fits...somehow my neuro paed has entrusted me with this responsibility and confidence that if any seizures may occur with Ridhwan that lasts more than 5 minutes, do not go running around the house panicking or cry away like there is no tomorrow as what I need to do is put him to the side, while he is lying down and stop the seizure once and for all....and that's what I did....yup...I did that....but....Allah only knows how my heart nearly stopped seeing him in this condition as he was somewhat unconcious at times and part of his face was stiffening and drooping....a look I fear so much and dread seeing again after last years december episode....

Okay, let me just tell you what actually happened ya...yesterday I was happily chatting away with dear Chery about weddings and all and Ridhwan was as usual in his cot sleeping away...then suddenly, he woked up sitting down in his cot...looked at me...called out "Mama.."... then was drooling like no ones business...at first I thought, oh no, is he trying to get rid of his phlegm or something?? Then the drooling got a bit more...the fear hit me...oh no, oh no, please not a fits...not when hubby is away in the office....and so I told Chery that I had to go thinking some sliver was coming out of his mouth when it was the starting of a seizure..the first thing I did then was looked at the time, count Reenaz, count...how many minutes is this....and while doing that, struggled to get hold of Ridhwan's rectal diazepam in his cupboard next to his cot...got it...then it became just as I feared, looking a bit violent or rapid jerkings...I panicked...I quickly carried Ridhwan and rushed him to my mom's room and told my parents, "Ridhwan dapat fits!!" ...and that's when the commotion got even more lah kan...hahaha...okay, no reason to laugh about it....but after seeing its more than 5 minutes already, calling hubby couldn't, line was barred! Aiseh abang, tak bayar bill ka....and oh, what am I waiting for......so I inserted the rectal diazepam as have been done before and has always been dreaded before...sigh...

The seizure didn't really stop straight away....jerkings was there...facial expression was still stiff...but he was slowly wanting to doze away...sleepy....ya Allah, the medication is starting to work I hope...and soon enough, after I carried him in my arms...he was fast asleep in my arms in a very deep sleep....

All in all, the seizure episode on saturday really freaked me out...one the stiffening of the face....it looked so abnormal like as if someone pulling his face ..then the jerkings, repetitive scarrily looking movements...and the fact it didn't react fast to the medication, so wondering, oh my god, is it going to stop??!! And of course, hubby wasn't around..that made it even more scarry...it made me also think, at this rate, it still is so much safer to live with my parents with Ridhwan's condition despite having my own house....also hubby travels nearly every two weeks...gosh, imagine me all alone in that situation in my house and what if it had been more than 5 minutes cause then I'd had to rush to the hospital all my myself...

But thinking about this all is of no use at this point...as what I should be more concerned is the fact....darn it, it came again, meaning the due EEG this 16th June will pretty much summarise that there are still seizures in his brain and medications may either have to be increased or change...and so since Ridhwan is scheduled for an appointment with his pyhsiotherapist this wednesday, hubby and I have decided to see Dr. Sofiah too after the theraphy session...not wanting to wait any longer for any new episodes...oh no siree....nope....

What I learned now...as years passing by as a mother to a special needs child and an epileptic one too...I need to be equipped with knowledge....knowledge not just concerning how to give therapy to ridhwan but especially concerning seizures....cause you see, there doesn't seem to be only one type of seizures that Ridhwan has encountered....and what to do if he had any, too was very important....and so I urged parents out there whose child had seizures before please read up or better still ask your neuro paed to explain what your child had or having...knowing is an advantage as it may just save your child's life...and I need to know more....cause I still feel I know less...but most importantly, I pray to Allah so much that Ridhwan will be fits free one fine day...amin...cause I know he is such a smart boy and there is so much goodness in him to be shared with people out there...mama doa Ridhwan that Allah will always protect you and whatever that come our way, we go through it together one thing at a time kay...I love you Ridhwan.....

fuish...panjangnya tulis kali nie....hehehee....

Gals day out!

Sunday, 17th May was one of my anticipated day cause it was booked especially to spend some time with my darling gals for a birthday outing....usually lunch or dinner....and this time around it is for dear Loges the new mummy to Meera Tioe. Loges birthday was actually in April but since she was in confinement at that time and just delivered, it was best for her to finish her confinement before going out to have fun with her wacky and umm..noisy friends?? hehee...

This time around, our little outing or date was held in Alamanda, Putrajaya..I was quite delighted to go there as it was ages since I've been to that shopping complex...it then made me recalled the good old days when the four musketeers would dash in the cute little kelisa or satria for lunch on Fridays..at that time I was working in Serdang so Alamanda was not too far away..or was it...oh well, its a Friday anyway, who wants to stay at the office...and we were getting sick and tired of going to Mines anyway...hahaa...

Well, I really can't remember when was the last time I went to Alamanda but thought, okay I know my way there...used to go there once...should be okay..besides the other two gals would probably know since they travel a lot more, unlike me where my route is home to SDMC and SDMC to home every week....well, so much for that!! ..cause it seems the other two have never been there at all!! Haa??!! Haahaahaa...and so initially we got a bit lost in Putrajaya and since the last time I was in Putrajaya a lot more buildings have come up..my bearing was at its worst...buuut after much commotion in the car and GPS and all...we finally reached there...thank god! Not too late too! Hehehe...

We had lunch at one of the restaurants in Alamanda and which I think I have not been to in years...yes everyone, this shows how much I don't go out anymore right...well that's the part and parcel of being a mother which I actually don't have much complains...home is where the heart is right? ;) ....well, we sat...we ordered but one thing we forgot ...to lower down our beautiful voices...hehee..yes, you see when girlfriends get together especially when they have known each other since school, its hard to lower down your voices and not sound excited with whatever is happening to each other...I think many people would had given us the glare...which ignorantly was not noticed by us...hahaa...sorilah yea sapa2x yang dengar these ladies talking a bit loud...but truthfully, I can't help it or we can't help it as this is how we are and its just so nice to see everyone at one time and update each other about everything when you hardly see each other unlike school days last time...so please excuse us for being loud or noisy or actually happy and delighted...hehee...

To my lovely ladies, thanks for a lovely lunch outing! This mother really looks forward to this outing every birthday and always wish could do it more often actually....so looking forward for our next outing or birthday event...love you gals to bits! Friends forever!!

From left: Me, Aliza, Chery and Loges...belin was taking this picture..

From left: Me, Belinda, Chery and Loges

Pre-writting skills...

You know, as someone who considers herself 'normal' in terms of physical and mental, it never occured to me that writttng skills for a special needs child or brain injured as Glenn Doman would always refer to, would be quite difficult and take many many many many practices to master it and where we take for granted for our so-called 'normal' ways of holding a pen and learn to write...so before I begin the story of my 'oh darn it I so have to work harder now, to make sure he can write!!'....I'd like mothers out there whom have children to give a biiig kiss to that precious beautiful head of their child that stores one of the most precious and valuable organ in his/her body...that is the brain...and most of all be so thankful to god that no matter how your child may drive you nuts at times or how tiring it is to take care of them, know it in your heart that your biggest worries about them going to school is not really much of a worry actually cause Insya-Allah they'll do fine and most of all, the ability to use that cute little hands of theirs to write on a piece of paper will come automatically and will be used with much delight and happiness by them...

So this is where my journey or story pulak starts as I learn the hard way...or maybe have known but was concentrating more on other parts of the body that I forgot that there is more to learn and know....hmm, my midwife was right...should write a book about this kan...who knows...one fine day....hehee...ooh, by the way I loved that movie...oops...getting sidetracked...hehehe...

The story starts last Friday when we had our bi-weekly session with our so sweet occupational therapy or in short OT. Ridhwan's OT is very nice and sweet and on top of that, quite knowledgeable too! For someone young, she sure has amazed me with her experiences and most of all her knowledge. Which of course is good lah kan, cause it would then benefit me a lot! Anyway, as usual we would be doing our usual therapy session, playing with the thera-puty or sticky as Ridhwan calls it...hehe..it is actually something like playdoh but oh so much better cause it can come of easily by just using itself to clean away the thera-putty away...one of its advantages is to strengthen your grip..using Thera Putty can also help with the rehabilitation of injuries to your fingers, hands, and forearm muscles by simply squeezing and moving the putty in your hands. There are 5 different levels of resistance to choose from and to help build up your hand muscles. Here are some pictures to show an example.....

One ways of using the thera-putty

See how one can actually stretch it without breaking it

Different colour coded thera-putty with its different resistance

Thus, our OT would be doing some exercise to strengthen Ridhwan's grip and make his left hand be more usable by pulling the thera-putty that was stucked to his right hand...and so we have been doing this for some time already until our OT said that today lets do some writting exercises and I said okay, would be just like Shichida. Then, she took out another cool thing which was some plastic cards where we could use a special crayon to write onto it and then later just use water to wash it away. The key word here is recycable!! Trust me, when you are a mother who is 'forcing' her child to write a lot you need recycable materials definitely! So as usual, Ridhwan was not into holding the crayon, holding it then throwing it away, make him hold it again...throw it away....then the OT said, 'Okay, never mind, time to give homework!' I was like, what??!! Heehe...not that I hate homework, but you see when you have a child who doesn't really know how to hold a pencil and is given 'homeworks' monthly..umm this is from shichida ya...hehee...you'll be like, okay, hope this is not going to be one of those, in the end the mama finishes his homework...hahaa...yes, I do that sometimes...baaad mother...but i can't help it sometimes cause there's so much other things I need to do for Ridhwan you know...but he does most of his homework anyway....really!! ;) ... and so the OT gave 2 pieces of paper and said, go home and practice doing this ya...and I was like, hmm..what's this and on the top of the 1st piece of paper writes 'Assessment for pre-writting skills' and followed by simple pictures that Ridhwan needs to practice and acquire the ability to copy the pictures...and then it hit me...oh my god, he has a hard time holding a pencil and he has to draw that horizontal line??!!! okay Reenaz, you have got to do something pronto woman!!!...and to scare me even more, it writes there the normal age a child could actually draw a horizontal line is 2 years old!! What??!! He is going to be 4 for goodness sake!! Then it hit me again, now it make sense why Shichida forces their children to write at such a young age....oh my...oh me oh my...eh that sound like bunnytown...oops sidetrack again...:P

So, I realise a bit late, or maybe not I hope...that Ridhwan needs pronto full speed ahead therapy on his fingers and hands to ensure he would be able to write soon..or fast for that matter!! And so the quest to find out what this pre-writting skills is all about is being looked out now...darn I'm so angry with bookshops in Malaysia...hampehs big time!! You see, being a special needs mummy, yes you rely on the internet for info and ideas to help your child, but its nothing compared to reading a book and getting hard facts from reputable people and writers which you sometimes question when reading a website that talks about the condition your children is...but sad to say, our country lacks in this area big time...really big time...this reminds me when I called a bookshop one day asking if they had a book on Cerebral Palsy...the guy who answered was very nice actually, not knowing how to spell Cerebral Palsy, I spelled it to him nicely and he told me to wait and check in the system and he said 'I'm sorry, its not in our system...do you have any other books you'd like to find?' ..And so since he was really nice attending to my needs, I gave him 2-3 more titles of books on cerebral palsy and 'not to my surprise' there was none in his system...by that time, he somehow sounded feeling bad that they had no book of that title at all and asked why did I want the book..and so in short I told, I have a child with cerebral palsy and so I'd like to read a book about it...and somehow from his voice he sounded even more upset and must have felt bad that there was no book at all on CP in Malaysia at the moment and felt helpless...poor guy, I said its okay, not his fault...he did then say I could order and I said, ya I know, but you see I'd rather see the book itself first and check its contents before ordering it or buying it so I know its a book worth buying....so the moral of the story...our society is still not a reading society and most of all it shows how unaware and unexposed our society is concerning special needs society...and that really saddens me that day..and so I was criticising our bookshops and libraries to my husband the whole night that day...hehe..sian abang kena dengar wife dia membebel and kutuk the lack of knowledge our society can be at times...sigh...

Anyway, that should not be an issue to me right now as I have a bigger important task at hand to overcome...but never mind, I have seen a boy who had meningitis as a baby and due to that he was considered CP but now is 5 years old and one look you'd never know he had meningits once and is CP as he could talk well and one thing that amazed me was his ability to write so well and count so well after all the things he had gone through...but one advantage he has is he is well taken off in a special school in australia that emphasises their special needs children to be able to go to a normal school at the age where your child will enter school...which as usual this oh so beautiful country is lacking....hmm...but who cares, I'll do it my way somehow...as it is, our neuro paed has pressured me that she wants Ridhwan to enter a normal school regardless his condition...and I for that matter, prays very hard that he will and believe he will...he must!! But that also means pure hard work for me from now on..slacking is a big no! no!! ...oh me oh my...:D

All I can say, I pray to Allah to give me strength to do what is best for Ridhwan everyday, every hour and every minute if possible..I'm only human and I do slack and get lazy at times...but I pray that most of the time I work hard and do what's best for Ridhwan as it is an ibadah what I'm doing for him, Insya-Allah and may Allah redha it....amin....so Ridhwan my dear...we have a looong way to go but we can do it my dear, cause I'm not going to give up and have never ever given up ...and if I could overcome my Masters while taking care of you last time and yet scored with flying colours...will give ourselves flying colours results too okay my dear Ridhwan and one day give ourselves a 'standing' ovation for it ya...amin...wallahualam...

Digital scrapbooking...

Just trying out these digital scrapbook thingy that everyone seems to be into these days...I love scrapbooking but sometimes don't really have the time but I still love looking at scrapbook designs and books, oh and of course the buying part too! Hahhaa..but yes, time sometimes is a constraint to me despite being a stay -at-home mum...seriously, I think I have more work ever since I stayed at home...but more at peace lah ...digital scrapbooking was something I have always wanted to explore but never found the right designs that I like, also I'm more into paper scrapbooking cause I like the joy of cutting coloured papers, doing stamps, stickers and embellishment and what not...but since I saw this website, I thought, oh heck, why not try one..so here is my first digital scrapbook layout! Alah, copy and paste je pun...hehee...

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all mummies out there! And definitely grandma's too and great grandma's as well!...cause without these great women, there would not be great mummies out there!! Most of all, Happy Mother's Day to my own mama!!!...my dear mama that has sacrificed for me soooo much all these years and never have asked anything in return but a prayer from a solehah daughter...amin..insya-Allah...Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to me too! Haahaahaa...when I think back, I may not be the greatest mum out there but I think today I deserve a pat on the back for being a mama to Ridhwan with my weaknesses and some of my strength ...I think all mummies out there deserves a pat on the back and a great big hug for a great job done because going through 9 months of pregnancy and labour is a god given gift that only mothers will experience and can embrace it.... So mothers out there, wether you'll be celebrating this once a year day for us or may not even celebrate as if you don't exist at all cause you'd be too busy with house chores and daily tasks that today is just another Sunday to you....you are a mother, you are blessed with a child...and so if no one remembers this day and especially those who remember this day...lets thank god that you have gotten through another year with its ups and downs in raising your child and pray that god will give you another wonderful year to endure with lots of happiness, fulfillment and love in raising your wonderful children out there! As for special mummies out there with special needs children always remember that god is with you, and despite your difficulties and hardships that you face each day, you are blessed as you are given the priviledge to be a mother which many women may not have the opportunity to experience at all ...and you know what? you are also very special.!.so love your special needs child endlessly, give her/him a huge hug today like you've never given them cause they deserve it and most of all you deserve it too special mummy...Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Full Moon Meera! (Loges' daughter)

On 26th March 2009, I received an sms from a dear friend that she has safely delivered a baby girl!! At last, after all the waiting and anxiousness, Loges finally welcomed her darling daughter into her world at Pantai Medical Centre. I nearly couldn't visit her that night as no one could take care of Ridhwan but thank god, my mom finally agreed to take care of Ridhwan and so around 8.30 pm ++ we drove to Pantai to visit the new mummy and daughter :D Welcome to the world Meera! When I looked at Meera that night, I was so touched and realised how I've forgotten how small a newborn is and how fragile and so adorable they are..made me wish I want another one soon...hehee..I was also so tempted to carry her but since she was so sound asleep amidst all our laughing and talking, such a good baby! So, I decided not to wake her up or scare the new mummy by waking up her daughter! Heheee....Anyway, it was really nice to see Loges and her daughter safe and sound while her hubby was photo catching all the way, sigh, we new parents tend to do that a lot kan! Hahhaa....

Anyway, on 25th April I had the priviledge to be invited to Meera Tioe's full moon party at Loges' hubby's home in PJ. So this time, Ridhwan had a chance to visit the new baby too! It was a good experience too cause Ridhwan has not been around babies that often and so this would be a good experience for him for future siblings? Hmm..hehhee...So, these are some pictures of the proud mummy and us. We were so darn early that Loges just reached the house when we got there...sorry ah Loges....Oh and some of the pics are a bit blur...still trying to play around with the dslr...tricky camera ya....so enjoy the pics and once again, congrat to Loges and welcome to the mummies club!!

Introducing baby Meera Tioe!

Mummy Loges and her baby girl

Mama Reenaz and Ridhwan pun nak posing jugak..hehee

Ridhwan getting a bit agitated so ayah had to carry him for awhile

Proud grandparent and parents with one month old baby girl...awww....

Picture of me and newborn baby and new mummy on 26th March 2009...cool digital frame...would love one of this in my house one day..hint..hint hubby...

With Belin and Juan...they too came early to see the baby :D

Me, Ridhwan, Belinda and Loges

Ridhwan's target....

Today we went to our...umm..once it was weekly, then it was, monthly, then it was bi-monthly and then we had weekly again..and then tri-monthly...and so this was our tri-monthly follow up check up with our neuro paed...yes, there was a time, I saw our paed nearly every week and it was really painful for me cause his fits was getting no where...but alhamdulillah, after his last fits episode last year, everything was normal...amin....

Sooo, today we met Ridhwan's very dedicated neuro paed, and alhamdulillah this time my hubby could come along, there were many times our visit there was with me and my mom only...so it was really nice to have my hubby come along and hear what our neuro paed has to say about Ridhwan's progres...alhamdulillah, she was happy that Ridhwan can actually walk if he wants too...no botox please!! ...yes, botox everyone...my son was given the option to inject himself with some botox to help straighten his foot because he was tip-toeing or as our therapist calls it, ballerina gaits....i thinks that's how you spell that word....anyway, Ridhwan has always had what they call, sensory problem...sensory here deals with how ridhwan feels towards certain things...or in short...his touch sensors...its very sensitive! Due to that, he doesn't like to touch my hand that much or even allow himself to be touched at his hand...body somehow okay pulak..and he is very sensitive on his feets...and because of that, his brain, as what dr and therapist have been telling me, sends message to his brain the feeling of uneasiness when he feels things on his hand and his feet...so that comes the so called ballerina gait or in layman terms, tip toeing....I have actually seen a young boy tip toeing in his shoes in one mall, walking tip toeing on the escalator..i was amazed as I knew Ridhwan too doesn't want his feet fall flat on the floor and has the problem of allowing us to straighthen the foot at times...so seeing the boy being able to walk with tip toe really startled and amazed me...but I know, that is not an option for Ridhwan and he really needs to learn how to walk properly and by addressing that issue, we would be addressing his sensory issues...

So back to the word, botox....yup...botolineum something something right...most of us would know botox as injecting into ones face so one could look pretty and have nice ..umm..young face?? or whatsoever...but as ignorant as some may be..they are actually injecting some sort of poison into their own face just for the sake of beauty....sigh...BUT, for special needs children, botox may actually help to ease their life by enabling them to sit, stand or in the case of Ridhwan...walk! Yup, but because being muslims, it seems that Botox is a non-halal substance..yup people, next time you want to inject yourself, think twice as botox it seems has some haram ingredients in it...so our neuro paed gave us another options...called Dysport..you see, for a normal person like us, when botox is injected into the face, the muscle of our face tightens instead of sagging as it already is...however, for special needs people, it works the other way...instead of tightening the muscle, it relives the muscle, so we may massage or exercise or better known is therapy the muscle, such as calf muscle or ankle muscle to allow it to relax and like in Ridhwan's case, enables the leg to be straigthen and not be in a tip toe position when trying to stand or walk....so this was what our neuro paed wanted to do for Ridhwan....I know she means well, but after having inserting a PEG-tube in Ridhwan, I sort of, how to say it, serik..yes that's the word serik nak inject or insert any more foreign things into ridhwan so comel precious body...but of course, i can't be thinking about how I feel and need to think what's best for Ridhwan right....so intially I will smile whenever our neuro paed suggests it but never saying, 'yes dr! lets do it!'...and so I pushed myself to try and make that feet of Ridhwan to straighten as much as possible and just now, Ridhwan proved to the paed that he can walk when he wants too and he may not need botox at all...amin..amin...BUT, yes there's that but word again, she gives him until end of the year to actually really walk...aiyaaak!!! Truthfully my target was June...hehee..yup, that was my so-called target but as we know, kita merancang Allah yang maha tentukan kan....so far, well, he's learning to walk but to walk independently, it would be a real miracle to walk independently by June...however, I've seen miracles happen to Ridhwan kan....so mana tahu, wallahualam kan....thought, this time, I'm setting my target to be latest before Raya...why Raya? cause it would be a wonderful Raya gift for Ridhwan's grandparents in Ipoh to see their grandchild be able to walk...and also since I've written this in my blog, I have no choice to work hard to achieve this! Amin...amin...amin....tapi tu lah, we plan, Allah decides it kan.....so one target being implemented right now...

Target no. 2....his eye-sight....Ridhwan has what they call it a lazy eye...or as many would know in malay, juling or squint, umm okay, squint is not in malay, hehee...we have seen many opthalmologist and I must say, the fourth is the lucky one! Hahaha...ya rite...fourth....two out of the four eye doctors we saw was so discouraging that I felt like strangling them for being so discouraging and giving no hope at all towards ridhwan's condition and we as parents too....but this fourth one is the best...he knows his job and he knows how to deal with children and he knows what special needs children go through and how the brain works that deals with why certain things that the children undergoes happens and how it affects the eye sight too...and also, he was the one finally to teach me ho to use the eye patch...yup, Ridhwan is a pirate now! Captain jack sparrow!! hahhaa....no, my son is no jack sparrow and he will not be a pirate...maybe looks like one ya ;) hehee...so thanks to the eye patch thingy, Ridhwan's eye sight has seen some improvement and hopefully even better....amin....but, he needs glasses..oh well, nowdays, its not uncommon to see them with glasses right...though it is sad lah, for those normal children that is...but for Ridhwan, its something that could not be avoided....and so his power is somewhat okay, aroung 100 plus like that...but his astig of my....is veeeery high....hmmmm....so, the thing is now, Ridhwan has sensory issues, hates to be touch at the fingers and hand, won't put down his foot properly AND...hates having anything on his face such as wiping face with wet towel or putting on a cap on the head...soooo automatically, any foreign thing on face or head will be thrown away happily by Ridhwan :D ...which doesn't help of course lah kan...so now, I need to deal with this sensory problem, by giving him more and more 'facial' massage to him...yes, for girls who have tried facials before, its just like that you know! Hehehe...we of course would love facials right? but for my dear Ridhwan...its a big no! no! ...so now, with dealing with this facial sensory issue as fast as I can, i will be able to make Ridhwan wear his glasses as often as possible..and hopefully rectify his eye sight as best as we can..that too, targeted to overcome fully by the end of the year....hmmm.....

Next, target no. 3!! Mari belajar menulis! ....yes, our paed has once again, reminded me or ugut me, as i sometimes feel she's doing, which actually I am so very thankful to have her doing that to me....hehee...she has told me to make Ridhwan hold a pen or pencil and learn how to wrute as she expects him to go to a normal school when he comes to the age of going to a normal school...hmm...yes, sensory issues again.....and so, more hand games, or finger games or in shichida as they say, finger training....and means, more therapy, and more...and more....

With all this sensory issues, it makes me realise, how ungrateful I am and how we take for granted our sensors that was given to us by our creator and how shallow we are not realising that the brain is the most powerful organ in our body and one little damage to it can cause so much unstability in our so-called normal body of us...who'd knew that there are cases where children or even adults, who just couldn't feel the joy of touch we feel when we first touch our babies when they came out into our world or even hold our husbands hand right after akad nikah, you know that feeling of comfort and reassurance of a touch...yes....the sensors of touch...how we or mostly I never realise its powerful usage to just even do normal things, like holding a pen, wiping our sweat on our forehand or walking on a sandy beach ....so my friends, do appreciate that sensors call touch..touch your children a lot, touch your husband or wife...oops..hehee ...or just enjoy our sensors that god has given us cause there are so many out there whom has never felt them or lost them somehow....so may Alllah give me abundant of strength to remind myself this everyday, to enable me to fully work hard to make Ridhwan reach this 3 targets...Insya-Allah...also as my rehab doctor would always say...enjoy your child as much as you can despite many difficulties he and maybe we go through..cause at the end of the day...he is my darling little boy and I love him soo much and I only want whats best for him...wallahualam...